YOUR FAMILY NEEDS MORE THAN YOUR PRESENCE
Listen up. Upward. The couple that prays and praises together, with the right address attached, more often than not stays together. You want that and it basically works for the family as well.
There is something profoundly beautiful about a husband and wife who do not merely live under the same roof, but who intentionally walk closely toward the Lord Jesus together. When two people continually, biblically draw nearer to Christ, they are also spiritually drawn nearer to one another.
The Bible does not give us some rigid, step-by-step chart for every family's life together -- we're all so different, each with different giftings and specific callings. Scripture does, however, give us clear principles on priorities that help us understand how our relationships should be ordered around our first love and highest allegiance to: God (a Trinity) Himself.
GOD FIRST (Matthew 6:33)
The foundation of every healthy Christian relationship is our relationship with God. Seek the Lord and his will for you first, before everything else.
Deuteronomy 6:5 says:
“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”
That wholehearted devotion to God is clearly communicated from the Holy Spirit through human authors in Matthew 22:34–40 (and all through the Bible), where Jesus identifies loving God the Father with His family, and loving our neighbors too as the top two greatest commandments. Yes, John 13:34–35 does likewise call Christ's disciples to love one another as He has loved us.
God is not simply supposed to occupy one place on our list of priorities. He is the One around whom every other priority is arranged. Our focus remains primarily on Jesus.
Our marriage, parenting, friendships, work, ministry, and service to others all become healthier and more vibrant when they flow from loving God first. I'm glad my wife loves the Lord more than she loves me and I always want to love the Lord more than I love her, but she comes next.. and our kids appreciate this.
Regular participation in the life of the church is one expression of that commitment. Hebrews 10:25 reminds believers not to give up meeting together, but to encourage one another.
The question is not merely, “Am I busy doing Christian things?”
The deeper question is:
“Is the Bible's Jesus Christ (A real person, the second person of the Trinity) truly first in my heart, and are my relationships being shaped by my devotion to Him?”
THEN, FOR THE MARRIED, THE BIBLICAL MARRIAGE MUST BE NURTURED
For a married person, the marriage covenant carries profound biblical responsibility.
Ephesians 5:25 commands:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
And Ephesians 5:22 instructs wives to submit to their husbands:
“as to the Lord.”
These commands cannot be separated from the larger context of Ephesians 5, where marriage is presented as a picture of Christ and His church.
The point is not that a husband gets to demand submission while ignoring Christlike sacrifice. Quite the opposite. He is called to love sacrificially, serve selflessly, and covenantally, and following the pattern of Christ.
Likewise, a wife's submission is ultimately described as being “as to the Lord.”
She is never to submit to her husband if he's commanding her to sin. We all are to be in submission to Authority.. short of sinning. It's about maintaining peaceful safe order instead of dangerous chaos. Our God is not a God of confusion and chaos.
The marriage relationship therefore is not merely about two people trying to get along. It is about two people learning to live under the lordship of Jesus Christ (He is to be our first love), and as we mature spiritually getting closer to him, we normally cuz it's normal ..fall in love more and more with our dearly beloved friend (yes, spouse) in Him.
TWO BECOME ONE
Genesis 2:24 establishes the foundational pattern:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:31 repeats this same truth.
Marriage creates a new covenantal family unit. Husband and wife are no longer merely individuals living parallel lives. They have become one flesh.
That means your spouse cannot be treated as an accessory to your life, an afterthought to your career, or someone who simply receives whatever leftover time remains after everyone and everything else has been served. Ministry and career cannot come first or that's a recipe for disaster. Some mere human or a female at work guys.. cannot become a closer friend to you than your spouse. Don't let it happen.
Your wife needs more than your presence in the house.
She needs your full attention.
She needs your listening ear, your eyes looking at her when she speaks, your prayers, your tender gentle affection, your faithfulness, your protection, provision, your honesty, your encouragement, and your willingness to love her when loving her costs you something. Or costs you a whole lot.
And husbands need to remember that Christlike love is not merely a feeling. It is demonstrated through sacrificial action.
THEN COME THE CHILDREN AND THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BIBLICAL PARENTING
Children are not interruptions to the Christian life. They are part of the stewardship God entrusts to parents.
Proverbs 22:6 says:
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Ephesians 6:4 likewise instructs fathers not to provoke their children to anger, but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Many dads get this passage thrown up in their faces (by accusers) when they really have remained reasonable and fairly gentle.
Many in the world also pull up their favorite verse. You know it right?: Judge not lest you be judged.
Deuteronomy 6:7 calls parents to teach God's Word diligently to their children throughout ordinary daily life.
That means biblical discipleship does not happen only during church services or formal Bible studies.
It happens around the dinner table.
In the car.
At bedtime.
During conversations.
When children watch how their parents respond to disappointment.
When they see whether Dad keeps his word.
When Mom and Dad forgive one another.
When the family prays together.
When God's Word is opened. We never pressure, mandate or force Bible memorization on our kids but offer this as a good option for very beneficial discipline.
When parents apologize.
When children see their parents choose obedience to Christ over convenience.
Your children need your vigilant involvement.
They need more than a parent who pays the bills.
They need a parent who knows them well. Us dads do need to work a lot of hours but I've never taken on inordinate overtime, or second or third temporary jobs.. except with a few rare exceptions.
They need your presence, attention, instruction, affection, correction, prayer, and example.
HONOR YOUR PARENTS
Scripture also gives continuing importance to our relationship with our parents.
Deuteronomy 5:16 commands:
“Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you.”
Ephesians 6:1–4 likewise speaks about children obeying their parents and about parents raising their children according to the Lords Word. There's some powerful principles in the Bible.
The Bible does not establish an expiration date for honoring one's parents. Nope.
An adult child is no longer under the same delegated parental authority or any obligation to obey the parents ..like when he or she experienced as a child. Yet the responsibility to honor one's parents remains.
That can involve respect, gratitude, kindness, practical care, appropriate communication, and, when necessary, material support even.
Jesus gave an especially strong warning about this in Mark 7:9–13. He rebuked spiritually dead religious people / religious leaders who used religious tradition as an excuse to avoid caring for their parents.
In other words, so-called good religious activity must never become an excuse for neglecting legitimate family responsibility.
EXTENDED FAMILY MATTERS TOO
The circle continues beyond the immediate household.
1 Timothy 5:8 says:
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
The principle is unmistakable: Christians are not supposed to use ministry, church activity, career, or personal ambitions as an excuse to abandon legitimate basic responsibilities toward their families.
Sometimes loving your family means sacrificing something you would rather be doing.
Sometimes it means changing your schedule, or schedule-request to your boss.
Sometimes it means saying no to an opportunity.
Sometimes it means stepping away from a ministry responsibility for a season so that you can faithfully care for someone God has entrusted to you.
Faithfulness at home is itself Christian ministry. God the Father expects faithfulness and fruitfulness from us as we abide in Jesus Christ (the vine).
THE FAMILY OF GOD
Our responsibility does not end with biological family.
We belong to the family of God. We are surrounded by creations of God and some of them choose to become children of God via true repentance and saving faith.
Romans 14 tells believers not to judge or look down upon their brothers and sisters in Christ (v. 10), and warns us not to place stumbling blocks in the way of another believer.. or in the way of anyone.
Much of 1 Corinthians likewise addresses how Christians are to live together in love, humility, order, and unity.
Galatians 5:13 says:
“serve one another in love.”
Ephesians 4:32 tells us:
“be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 says:
“encourage one another and build each other up.”
And Hebrews 10:24 says:
“consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
These are not merely suggestions for particularly friendly Christians.
They are the normal expectations of life within the body of Christ.
AND THEN THE WORLD
You can love those in the world around you without loving the corrupt World system. We're never to love that. Jesus did not save us so that our concern would end at the front door of our house or at the doors of our church.
Matthew 28:19 gives the Great Commission:
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations.”
Our families are part of our mission field For sure. so we never stop earnestly praying for them, but they are not the entirety of it.
We are called to love our neighbors, serve others, proclaim the gospel, make disciples, and represent Christ in the world.
The biblical pattern therefore is not simply like some rigid ladder that says, “I have finished loving this person, so now I can move on to the next.”
Rather, God the Holy Spirit, moment by moment day by day He is to govern all of our relationships simultaneously.
There will be seasons when one person's needs require extraordinary attention.. or faster than immediate attention.
A sick spouse may need our immediate care.
A young child may need our presence. My little grandson Augie (August) recently jumped into (it occasionally happens with him..) a Costa Rican pool by the Sea and sunk like a rock. He was rescued by his dad.
An aging parent may suddenly require substantial assistance. My dad Kim has dementia but daily gets good care and attention.
A fellow believer may be walking through a crisis, and we can be there for them as well.
A lost neighbor may need to hear the gospel. If we can be willing to cross a sea to reach the loss, then we can certainly be willing and empowered to cross the street to witness to a neighbor who is open to hearing what really so.
Christians should be the first to be able and discerning to accurately read the room. Wisdom means recognizing what love requires right now, while remaining faithful to our other God-given responsibilities.
YOUR FAMILY NEEDS MORE THAN YOUR PRESENCE
One day, you may not be able to live so close.
One day, the children will grow up.
One day, the house will become quieter.
One day, your parents may no longer be here.
One day, your spouse may be the only person sitting across the table from you.
Take none of them for granted.
Being physically present in the house does not necessarily mean you are actually fully present.
You can be sitting three feet away and be a million miles away in your mind.
You can be in the same room while your attention is somewhere else... on one of many screens.
You can provide presents without giving presence. Some parents do that to compensate for their workaholism and absence.. or poor treatment of their spouse.
Presence > Presents
Put down that phone. Talk to God more than to AI, to Siri or to Google.
Turn off the other screens for almost every meal time together.
Put away all the distractions.
When your wife speaks, listen up, discern, respect, prethink before you respond.
When your children speak, listen.
When your parents speak, listen.
Look them in the eye.
Give them your attention.
Your family should not have to compete with All the beeps vibrations and buzzing of notifications from your phone ..for your eyes, your ears, or your heart.
Your wife needs more than your physical presence. She needs your attentive presence. Even safe non-risky touching and affection. ABT - always be touching each other but in safe inappropriate ways (I mean, without expectations or any demands).
She needs the man who will pray with her first, listen to her, laugh with her, grieve with her, encourage her, protect her, and walk with her.. with companionate-love ..toward Christ. We started out as best friends and we're going to stay best friends cuz God (our top best Friend) helps us be best friends.
And your children need more than your financial provision.
They need you.
They need your involvement.
They need your example and basic biblical instruction or warnings at times.
They need your prayers.
They need to see what genuine Christianity looks like when Dad is feeling way tired, disappointed, frustrated, successful, misunderstood, tempted, or afraid. Consistency is a thing.. that's majorly needed daily.
The kids need to see that Jesus is not merely something their parents talk about on Sunday. Children long for a 24/7 365 kind of biblical faith.. that wisely applies shoe leather to the concrete of everyday living.
They need to see that Jesus is Lord of the home.
DON'T JUST LIVE WITH YOUR FAMILY. LIVE FOR JESUS 100%, AND HELP THEM. GOD CAN USE YOU TO WIN AND/OR EDIFY THEM
This is where everything comes together.
We love them best when we love Him most. FIRST.
The goal is not to worship our family, or spouse as some people like to do. The goal is not to follow your wife like she's Lord of you, gentlemen. If she's got a great idea, go with it, but let Jesus remain Lord of it all. Man, you are to be wise, responsible, mature, balanced leaders that are considerate as you follow Jesus. I often think about Adam succumbing to the bad idea of Eve with that snake in the garden.
The goal is to love our family under the lordship of Christ, not some snake like person. You know what I mean, the enemy (Satan) and his thugs.
Jesus must remain first - the chief executive decision maker of your life.
And precisely because He is first, we learn how to love everyone else rightly.
Think of that ole familiar marriage triangle: husband and wife are at the lower corners, and God is at the top.
As husband and wife move upward toward God, they simultaneously move much closer to one another. It really works that way.
The closer we genuinely walk with Christ (the God man), the more Christlike our love for one another should become.
A forgiven people should become a forgiving people. Let that start in the home!
That is why a couple that prays and praises God together, yes, with the right address attached, has something much deeper holding them together than shared interests or romantic feelings. The Holy Spirit spirit is the glue for me and Liney -- He gets all the glory.
The two are still learning to build their marriage around Christ. We don't graduate from the learning periods in marriage while here.
THE BIBLICAL PURPOSE IS GREATER THAN A PRIORITY LIST
Lists are convenient.
We like checking things off.
A list can make us feel as though we have accomplished something because we can point to what we have done.
But God's commands are not merely a heavenly checklist.
They reveal the kind of people God is calling us to become.
The Christian's master command is beautifully simple:
Matthew 22:37–40:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”
And Jesus connects that immediately with loving our neighbor as ourselves too.
Everything else flows from those two great commands, and from the Holy Spirit's enabling as we look to him for empowerment. God is love and he keeps pouring his love in as we abide in him. Man's love is so small, we can run out.. or we can ask God for more of his agape.
So in family life, we love our wives and then they respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33).
God is the initiator and we are the responders. We love him because he first loved us. The husband lovingly initiates with her best interests at heart, and then the wife feels like responding in love.
We become one in marriage (Genesis 2:21–24).
We teach.. line upon lying, precept upon precept, here little they're a little.. in the day in and day out moments of life..so our children to know and follow God too (Deuteronomy 6:7). Not merely know about God and his Book, but personally firsthand know Him -- the Author of the Book.
At home and elsewhere, does your relationship with God...Exude Joy and excitement, Mom and Dad? Is there an overflow of compassionate anointing in your neighborhood, and elsewhere wherever you go?
We never want some "do as I say but not as I do" mentality. Let the Lord help you become a good example going the distance.. hand in hand. With one hand we reach out to Jesus, and with the other we bring a friend.
Homeward.
We honor and care for our parents too as the Lord gives us wisdom to do that (Mark 7:9–13).
We pursue unity with fellow believers (John 17:22).
And we carry the Gospel message into the world of people who are really lost, confused, discouraged, twisted, and desperate (See Matthew 28:19).
These are not tasks that we complete one at a time. I'm talking about an ongoing missional lifestyle led by the greatest missionary who ever lived Jesus, who left Tmthe riches of his home in heaven on purpose.. for the greatest purpose. He was come to seek and to to save that which was lost. Intentional selfless living is His and it can be yours as well.
You do not finish loving your wife and then graduate to loving your children. You know that, Buckaroo.
You do not finish loving your children and then receive permission to care about your parents.. or the lost of other cities and Lands.
The Christian life is lived in the midst of all these relationships and real trials. There are moments of suffering in the Christian experience, But we don't consider those strange. Jesus suffered for us all the way to Calvary where he died on a cross in my place.
Has God called you to go, to send, to support, to pray for missionaries? He has called you to pray for your pastor and leaders at a healthy church.
Our attention may shift according to circumstances, but love does not disappear simply because our attention has shifted.
FAMILY, CHURCH, AND KINGDOM
Our family priorities must always be understood within the larger context of God's kingdom in mind.
Marriage is not ultimately about building our own little kingdom. Nope, not even at work. Do we build our own Kingdom. Thy eternal Kingdom come Lord, please use us to populate and build your Kingdom. Why waste our sorrows and trials.. why waste anything while here?
Marriage in the Lord.. it is about becoming a covenantal partnership that honors God and serves His purposes. That's a clean communication of fellowship continue.
Husband and wife strengthen one another.
Together...
They raise children to know and serve Christ.. His way not our way.
They honor and care for aging parents.
They serve the church. All of them are to varying degrees.. flawed.. but we hang in there with His family. His grace is flawless and abundant. He loves them so we can love them too.
They love their neighbors.
They proclaim the gospel.
They become a living testimony of what God's grace can do in a home.
John 17:22 records Jesus praying that His followers would be one, just as He and the Father are one.. cuz unity of the Spirit is important.
Unity within Christian families and unity within the church both display something of God's heart for His people.
And 1 Timothy 3:4–5 demonstrates how seriously Scripture takes the spiritual and practical leadership of one's household. A man's ability to care for his own household is connected to his ability to care for God's church.
There are therefore seasons when family responsibilities legitimately require us to reduce, pause, or even step away from ministry responsibilities. God, help me to continue cultivating close intimate relationship with you in my quiet time alone with Jesus daily.
That is not necessarily abandoning ministry... cuz ministering to the Lord is our first ministry priority so to speak. He doesn't really need a thing from us, but He inhabits the praises of his people.
Abundant Life, eternal life. That's what he has for you and me.
Sometimes caring faithfully for the people God has already entrusted to you is the smart ministry God has assigned you for.. during this season of life.
GOD'S KINGDOM, NOT OUR PERSONAL KINGDOM
Mark 7:9–13 reminds us again that mere so called religious activity can never be allowed to replace obedience to God in the responsibilities He has actually given to us.
We must never become too busy like Martha.. so busy serving God that we neglect Time alone with the Lord or with the people He has placed directly in our care. Mary had her priorities right sitting at Jesus's feet hearing his word.
She had the peace. Doesn't it look like she had the fruit of the Spirit while Martha had a lot of anxiety with frustration.
The home is not an obstacle to ministry.
The family is not a distraction from discipleship.
The home is one of the primary places where discipleship happens.
Deuteronomy 6:7 gives parents the picture of teaching God's truth throughout ordinary life.
Our children are watching.
Our spouses are watching.
Our friends are watching.. even those who are lost out in the world are watching.
Our coworkers are watching.
And sometimes the most powerful sermon we will ever preach is the victorious life we live in our own home when nobody outside the family is watching.
A Christian home should be a place where grace is practiced, forgiveness is demonstrated, prayer is normal, Scripture is honored, truth is spoken, the anointing breaks the yoke of any bondage, repentance is real, and Christ is very much treasured.
THE PRIORITY THAT HOLDS EVERY OTHER PRIORITY TOGETHER
Ultimately, we are not trying to construct some apparent perfect family hierarchy where narcissism is masked.
We are trying to become faithful followers of Jesus is all.
The question is not merely:
“Who comes first?” We already know it's Christ.
The deeper question is:
“How does my love for Christ teach me to prioritize wholesome love for every person I come in contact with today.. as He has both instructed and has entrusted to me?”
God first. Wife second. Children third.
If I put my kids second what happens when they grow up and move out. A lot of marriages end at that empty nest point.
So with the love that he pours into our hearts, within the home and responsibilities He's given ..and with all the relationships He has entrusted to us, we faithfully love and serve our spouse, children, parents, extended family, brothers and sisters in Christ, neighbors, and the world.. as his representatives.
Sure, sometimes one relationship will immediately demand more attention than another.
That does not mean the others cease to matter.
It means biblical love requires godly wisdom because the worldly type of wisdom will fail you. It will fail your family too, like it's failing out in the world. God and His wisdom won't.
And we do not have to accomplish all of this Walk of victory through our own strength.
God supplies what He commands.
Where God guides he provides, where he leads he feeds, where his finger points. His hand of provision will open for you.
We need..
His daily Strong grace to love our spouse well.
His wisdom to raise our children.
His patience to honor our parents.
His humility to serve the church.
His courage to reach the lost.
His strength to fulfill our responsibilities when we are exhausted, and..
His Spirit to make Christlike love possible.
So don't merely live with your family.
Live for Jesus in front of your family.
Pray with them.
Praise with them.
Listen to them.
Forgive them.
Teach them.
Serve them.
Protect them.
Correct them.
Encourage them.
Look them in the eyes.
Put down the phone.
Turn off the distractions.
Give them your attention while you still have the opportunity.
Because one of the greatest ways to love your family is not merely to give them more material presents, but your presence as you kindly lead them toward Him.
We love them best when we love Him most.. and most consistently.
Listen up and never forget this: when a husband and wife keep turning their hearts toward Christ, they discover something very beautiful that bears repeating no matter how simple this principal is:
The closer they walk with Jesus, the closer they can walk with each other over the Long haul. No matter how long God allows them to be together here.
That is the kind of home that does more than stay together. It makes and impact. It shines a bright light in a dark.. and getting darker kind of world.
It becomes a testimony of the brilliant grace of God!
