It doesn't just fall into place by itself.
A peaceful home does not just happen by accident. It's not as easy as rolling off the bed in the morning. It is built one conversation, one choice, one act of forgiveness, and one day of faithful obedience at a time. Pray for everyone in your family and take some time to read the Bible.
Every family has some unwritten or written rules. Yes, they do whether spoken or unspoken. The wisest families establish their homes upon the unchanging truth of God's Word. Think of the principles of the word when setting rules.
I never made my kids read or memorize the Bible during family devotional time. Did I encourage this if they wanted to? Yep.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (said Joshua 24:15 but he made no one believe).
Today, when Christ is known and honored in a home, love grows, respect flourishes, and peace has elbow room to live with joy.
1. Speak words that agree with the word.. that comfort, challenge, admonish, edify, and heal instead of words that hurt.
Even when emotions run high, choose gentleness over harshness. Kind words calm a troubled heart, while careless words can leave wounds that last for years.
"Let your speech always be with grace" (Colossians 4:6).
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).
"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up" (Ephesians 4:29).
"Kindness is love in work clothes." — Anonymous
2. Celebrate the Lord and one another instead of competing with one another.
A loving family rejoices when one member succeeds. Jealousy divides, but genuine love delights in another person's blessings.
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15).
"Love does not envy" (1 Corinthians 13:4).
Every single victory in the family belongs to the whole family.
3. Raise the quality of the conversation, and not the volume. No yelling, and please don't rely upon time-outs only. Too many do.
People rarely change because someone shouted louder. Wisdom speaks with self-control.
"The tongue of the wise brings healing" (Proverbs 12:18).
"A soft tongue can break a bone" (Proverbs 25:15).
"Everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19-20).
As the saying goes:
"Raise your words, not your voice. Rain grows flowers, not thunder."
4. Honor your elders and one another with thoughtfulness and consideration.
Love respects boundaries, values one another's belongings, keeps confidence when appropriate, and seeks the good of others above selfish desires.
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Give preference to one another in honor" (Romans 12:10).
"Do nothing from selfish ambition... but regard others as more important than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3-4).
Respect is love made visible.
5. Make "Please," "Thank you," and "I was wrong" common expressions.
Humility keeps relationships alive. Apologies are only sincere when they are followed by changed behavior.
"Clothe yourselves with humility" (1 Peter 5:5).
Tell on yourself to God cuz He saw it all anyways. "Confess your sins to one another" (James 5:16).
"Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy" (Proverbs 28:13).
True repentance is more than saying the right words. It is walking a new direction.
6. Put distractions away and give one another your full attention. Love here is spelled T-I-M-E.
Shared meals have always been places of fellowship, conversation, thanksgiving, and spiritual encouragement. Today's greatest interruption often fits inside a pocket.
"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31).
"Look carefully then how you walk... making the best use of the time" (Ephesians 5:15-16).
People matter more than screens.
7. Listen completely to understand not to answer.. yes, before you respond.
Listening well communicates love. Being late or interrupting often communicates pride. Seek first to understand before trying to be understood.
"Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak" (James 1:19).
"He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame" (Proverbs 18:13).
Listening is one of the purest expressions of love.
8. Serve one another without keeping score.
Love notices a need and quietly meets it. Strong families are filled with servants, not spectators.
"Through love serve one another" (Galatians 5:13).
"In humility count others more significant than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3-4).
Even Jesus "did not come to be served, but to serve" (Mark 10:45).
9. Keep your word every time. God does that too.
Trust grows slowly but can disappear quickly. Faithfulness in small promises prepares us for greater responsibilities.
"Let your 'Yes' be yes and your 'No,' no" (Matthew 5:37).
"It is required of stewards that they be found faithful" (1 Corinthians 4:2).
Never promise more than you intend to keep.
10. Build your home upon truth, forgiveness, and prayer.
Every family experiences tensions or disagreements. Healthy families do not pretend problems never happened. They confront them honestly, forgive one another freely, pray together, and pursue peace.
Many of today's dad who really didn't like their own fair dads have trouble being dads. Some say this isn't way they got into this. The delegated authority and all, uncomfortable, cuz that's what they wanted to avoid.
Have there been a lot of really bad dads? There have been and I will talk about that on a later date.
Good question.
Well, it means that ya gotta do something smart, Parent. If a parent refuses to wisely discipline an unruly child, that child will grow accustomed to getting his own way and develop an ugly air of entitlement. The fleshly nature and sin nature don't just opt to fly out the door.
"Speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15).
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).
"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all" (Romans 12:18).
"Can two walk together unless they are agreed?" (Amos 3:3).
A family that kneels together before God is better equipped to stand together before the world.
How Did It Happen Back In The Day.. Establishing God-Honoring Order In The Home?
Noah — led as an example most of the time, and led his household in obedient faith despite living in a corrupt generation (Genesis 6:22; 7:1).
Abraham — commanded his children and household to keep the way of the Lord (Genesis 18:19).
Joshua — declared, "As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" (Joshua 24:15).
Job — regularly prayed and offered up sacrifices for his children (Job 1:5).
Lois and Eunice — faithfully taught Timothy the Scriptures from childhood. There are a lot of practical behaviors (2 Timothy 1:5; 3:14-15).
Priscilla and Aquila — opened their home for ministry and instructed others together (Acts 18:24-26; Romans 16:3-5).
Cornelius — implemented the fear of God with all his household (Acts 10:2).
Lydia — led her household in faith and ordered hospitality (Acts 16:14-15).
"The family altar is the strength of the Christian home." — Charles Spurgeon
"No other success can compensate for failure in the home." — David O. McKay
"The home is the chief school of human virtues." — William Ellery Channing
"The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home." — Attributed to Harold B. Lee
Decent Homes Take Prayer, Time, Presence, And Some Work.
Strong homes are not made of perfect people. They are built by forgiven people who keep returning to the grace of God. Every peaceful home is filled with ordinary people who have learned to tell the truth, forgive quickly, serve joyfully, pray faithfully, and love one another because Christ first loved them.
"Respect each other's privacy" is sure wise, but remember that the Bible emphasizes love, honesty, accountability, and consideration more than an individual's right to privacy always.
Man, I remember my list in Europe when Liney and I gathered with a bunch of teenagers. #90s
TEEN'S TOP TEN
“Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others” (Phil 2:4).
1. No sprinting and diving onto furniture -- no trampoline-ing on the furniture. When you take your place upon a couch or chair, don’t leap or plop down and break it.
2. No skateboard ollies off of (ya know, gettin' big air off), or lounging upon the ping pong and other tables.
3. No weird video games allowed on big screens (or anywhere. Use games that are clean and approved, but only with the smaller TVs).
4. No wrestling, seductive skimpy clothing, karate kicks, profanity, cigs, chew, alcohol, guns, weapons, drugs (or the selling of the like) and no dancing around gettin' in the flesh to draw attention to self. No throwing of food or hard items that make holes in your friends, the walls or the windows. No lame tigerbeat (type of) teen mags or porn. Duh! No secular music CDs, no inordinate PDA, no disrespect toward any adults starting with your parents, even if they act like dweebs. Obey God's Top Ten List, and other delegated leaders short of sin, show respect, be kind and watch your heart attitude, Buckeroo.
5. No one is allowed in the kitchen when someone is teaching (except leaders and those they designate). You can go out but during teachings, stay out until the end to avoid the in and out distracting traffic.
6. Don’t get rough with the sisters (young or older).
7. Come prayed-up, attentive, ready to listen to God's List, the rest of the Word, and to serve.
8. No howling out in the hallways (God is trying to minister to your parents over in that auditorium).
9. No fun or breathing allowed--fold your hands and act all pious (this one’s just a joke).
10. If you chow down, you clean up. Yes, if you bring food into the room, don’t leave your trash laying around and please get the food unstuck and out of the carpeting. Take these ideas home with you, okay.
Yeah, for our straight boys, I had ten basic rules at home as well. It started out like: No drugs, no porn, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no cussing, no fights, no strangers or persons of the opposite sex in the house when your parents are not home. I think I'll go look for em.
Cuz who doesn't want a Christ-centered family and home? I know you do, right? KnowGod.org
"Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you." (Exod. 20:12)
Honor Begins at Home
The Ten Commandments reveal God's priorities. The first four commandments teach us how to love, worship, and honor God. The remaining six show us how to love our neighbors. Yet before God speaks about murder, adultery, theft, lying, and coveting, He places one command at the very center of human relationships:
"Honor your father and your mother" (Exodus 20:12).
That is no accident.
Before God addresses society, He addresses the home. Before He speaks about our responsibilities toward strangers, He reminds us of our responsibilities toward those sitting around our own dinner table. The family is God's first human institution, established long before governments, schools, or nations. It was His design from the beginning (Genesis 2:18-24).
Nothing on earth can bring greater joy than a Christ-centered family. Likewise, few earthly experiences bring deeper sorrow than family conflict. Husbands and wives sometimes wound one another. Parents grieve over children, and children struggle with parents. Brothers and sisters disappoint one another. Every family has seasons of misunderstanding, failure, and pain because every family is made up of sinners who need God's grace.
Yet God's design has never changed.
The family is not a human invention to be revised with every generation. It is God's good gift to humanity. Healthy homes become the building blocks of healthy churches, healthy communities, and healthy nations. Strong nations do not create strong families. Rather, strong families help produce strong nations.
"Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain" (Psalm 127:1).
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).
"As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" (Joshua 24:15).
This helps explain why the family has always been a primary target of Satan's attacks. From the opening chapters of Genesis until today, the enemy has sought to distort God's design for marriage, weaken parental influence, divide generations, and discourage faithful fathers and mothers. Whenever God's design is rejected, the consequences eventually reach every part of society.
None of this should surprise us. Sin always damages what God created to bless.
Even so, the fifth commandment is not merely directed toward children. It speaks to every member of the family.
It calls children to honor their parents with respect and obedience (Ephesians 6:1-3).
It calls fathers not to provoke their children to anger but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).
It calls husbands to love their wives sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).
It calls wives to respect their husbands and partner with them in God's design for the home (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33).
It calls grandparents to pass God's truth on to the next generation (Psalm 78:4-7; 2 Timothy 1:5).
In short, every member of the family has a sacred responsibility.
The fifth commandment reminds us to place people ahead of personal preferences. It teaches us to keep our promises when marriage becomes difficult, to remain faithful when commitment is costly, to forgive when we have been deeply hurt, to seek reconciliation rather than resentment, and to pursue peace instead of prolonged conflict whenever reconciliation is biblically possible (Romans 12:18).
Honor is more than respectful words. It is a lifestyle of humility, gratitude, faithfulness, and sacrificial love.
For some believers, honoring parents is joyful because they were raised by godly mothers and fathers. For others, it is much harder because their parents failed them in significant ways. Scripture never excuses abuse or calls evil good. Yet even in painful situations, believers are called to maintain an attitude free from hatred and bitterness while exercising wisdom, truthfulness, and appropriate boundaries when necessary (Romans 12:17-21; Ephesians 4:31-32). Honor does not always mean agreement, approval, or unlimited access. It always means responding in a way that pleases Christ.
The Christian home is not built upon perfection but upon repentance. Strong families are not families without problems; they are families that repeatedly return to the cross, confess their sins, extend forgiveness, and begin again through the grace of God.
When families treasure God's Word, practice humble repentance, pray together, forgive quickly, and love sacrificially, they become living testimonies to the transforming power of the gospel.
To honor our father and mother is to honor God's wisdom.
To honor marriage is to honor God's design.
To cherish the family is to cherish one of God's greatest earthly gifts.
And when we honor God's design for the home, we honor the God who designed it.
"The Christian family ought to be a little church." — Jonathan Edwards
"No other success can compensate for failure in the home." — David O. McKay
"The family was the first society instituted by God." — Matthew Henry
For Further Study
Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16; Joshua 24:15; Psalm 127:1-5; Psalm 128:1-6; Proverbs 1:8-9; Proverbs 22:6; Malachi 4:5-6; Matthew 19:4-6; Ephesians 5:22-33; Ephesians 6:1-4; Colossians 3:18-21; 1 Timothy 5:4, 8; Titus 2:1-8; Hebrews 12:7-11; 1 Peter 3:1-9.
Read from biblically grounded people that stay that way:
- Dennis Rainey — marriage and family discipleship.
- Wayne Mack — biblical counseling, marriage, and parenting.
- Paul David Tripp — marriage, parenting, and gospel-centered family life.
- Timothy Keller — marriage theology and the gospel.
- John MacArthur — biblical roles in the family and expository teaching.
- Jack N. Graham— I respect my pastor and former pastors Chuck Swindoll and Chuck Smith -- biblical family life and practical discipleship guys.
- Voddie Baucham — family worship, biblical fatherhood, and Christian education.
- Jim Newheiser — marriage and biblical counseling.
- Martha Peace — women's discipleship, marriage, and family.
- Joel Beeke — family worship, parenting, and multigenerational discipleship.
- John Piper — marriage as a picture of Christ and the church.
- Greg Laurie — practical Christian living, marriage, and parenting.
