When your child becomes an adult, the relationship of course, will change some, and they are no longer under your delegated authority as their parents. Duh! If they wander in the far country so to speak and choose to remain lost, they are now God's problem.
When your children grow up and move out, or really should move out.. the way you relate to each one of them will completely change, but that doesn't mean that you are finished with your duty of being a godly parent.
As an aging parent, I will not be put in “time out” or trained by my own manipulative godless child. If I am not allowed to visit and just be myself in your home—having done nothing to harm you or your family (or anyone)—then there is no reason left to continue showing up for the purpose of pretending everything is peachy-fine while your hurtful jackass choices remain unaddressed.
Conviction: I am responsible for myself and my choices, and not another adult. My life won't ever orbit around a puffed-up, willful, spoiled, or manipulative child, even after they grow up and choose to remain hardened, rebellious, hateful, vengeful, and bitter. Contrary to what many parents do, I simply refuse to bow before any childish idol.
God in the Bible recognizes that stubborn rebellion—especially when someone rejects truth and correction—often requires firm boundaries and consequences, even within family relationships. A few passages speak directly to this principle.
1. God Himself disciplines rebellion because His love requires wise correction.
Book of Proverbs teaches that correction is part of real love:
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“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” (Proverbs 13:24)
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“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15)
The principle is simple: without consequences, rebellion grows stronger. Don't block, pay to avoid (for you or another), or in any way hinder consequenses that might teach. No matter what you feel, don't become an enabler covering for the drunk or other sinner in his prideful sin.
2. Discipline is meant to produce wisdom and maturity. Start with it wisely, properly, and pretty early too. Be merciful and gracious, but not overly. As they grow up, let the consequeses match the offenses.
Scripture says:
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“Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (Proverbs 29:17)
A person who refuses correction becomes hardened. Proverbs 29:1 warns:
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“He who is often reproved yet stiffens his neck will suddenly be broken beyond healing.”
3. When someone refuses correction, separation can become necessary.
The Bible sometimes calls for distance when a person persists in destructive behavior.
In Second Epistle to the Thessalonians, the apostle Paul instructs believers:
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“Keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the teaching.” (2 Thessalonians 3:6)
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“If anyone does not obey what we say… take note of that person and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed.” (2 Thessalonians 3:14)
The goal isn’t revenge Bro—"Vengence is mine says the Lord" (Romans 12:19-21) it’s a wake-up call that might lead to repentance.
4. Even Jesus recognized that loyalty to truth can divide families.
Jesus Christ said in Gospel of Matthew:
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“A man’s enemies will be those of his own household.” (Matthew 10:36)
Following Christ sometimes means enduring hostility from those closest to us.
5. Parents are not commanded to enable sinful behavior ever, not even a little bit.
Scripture teaches love, but not being controlled by someone’s rebellion.
Book of Galatians says:
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“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)
Allowing someone to reap the consequences of their choices is often the very thing God uses to humble a hard heart.
6. The example of the father in the parable of the prodigal son.
In Gospel of Luke 15, the father did not chase or fund the rebellion of the younger son.
He let the son leave and experience the results of his decisions. Only after the son came to his senses did reconciliation happen.
That story shows an important balance:
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The father did not control the son’s choices.
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He did not enable the rebellion.
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But he remained ready to forgive if repentance came.
A wise biblical posture for parents in this situation often looks like this:
• Stand firmly in truth without apologizing for knowing and following Christ.. unless you follow Him foolishly. When I talk about application of Scripture, I always like to add in that word WISELY APPLY.
• Refuse to be manipulated or punished for someone else’s anger.
• Allow natural consequences to teach what lectures cannot.
• Keep the door open to reconciliation if genuine repentance appears.
• Pray, because only God can soften a hardened heart.
As Proverbs 19:3 observes, many people ruin their own lives and then rage against others for it.
Even when the relationship is painful, a parent can still walk in truth, dignity, and prayer, trusting that God sees the situation and is able to work in ways no human argument can.
If you want, I can also show you “10 biblical principles for parents dealing with a hardened adult child” drawn from Scripture that many Christian counselors and pastors have found helpful.
even wise parenting cannot guarantee a wise child. The Bible repeatedly shows that people can receive good instruction for years and still choose a stubborn path.
1. Every person ultimately chooses his own way.
Book of Proverbs says:
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
That proverb is just a general principle, it's not an iron-clad promise from God. Wisdom literature describes what normally happens—not what must happen in every case. A child can still resist the truth because each person is free morally agent responsible before God.. even if they are not free as a slave to their sin.
2. Even Godly parents in the Bible had rebellious children.
Scripture is very honest about this.
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Samuel was a faithful prophet, yet his sons “did not walk in his ways” (1 Samuel 8:3).
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David loved God deeply, but his son Absalom became proud, rebellious, and destructive (2 Samuel 15).
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Even the righteous king Hezekiah had a son, Manasseh, who became one of the most wicked kings in Israel’s history (2 Kings 21).
Those examples show something important: a godly parent does not guarantee a godly child.
3. Some hearts remain stubborn for a long time.
The Bible warns that repeated rejection of truth can harden a person.
Book of Proverbs says:
“He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing.” (Proverbs 29:1)
The problem at that stage is not the parent’s instruction—it is the person’s prideful refusal to receive correction.
4. Parents cannot control an adult child’s heart.
Once a child becomes an adult, the responsibility shifts fully onto them.
Book of Ezekiel states a principle:
“The soul who sins shall die… the son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father” (Ezekiel 18:20). And the father not for the iniquity of the son.
Before God, each person answers for his own choices.
5. Sometimes the only teacher left is consequence.
There are moments when words no longer work. In those cases, Scripture often shows God allowing people to experience the fruit of their choices.
Book of Galatians says:
“Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)
Allowing someone to reap what they sow is not cruelty—it can be the last remaining form of instruction.
6. Even in Jesus’ parable, the prodigal son changed only after hitting bottom.
In Gospel of Luke 15, the son did not come to his senses until famine, poverty, and humiliation stripped away his pride.
The father could not lecture the rebellion out of him.
The son had to experience the consequences of his own choices.
A difficult but freeing truth Scripture teaches parents:
You can be responsible for your faithfulness, but not for another adult’s repentance.
Your role becomes:
• Stand firm in Christ, prayerfully walk in His truth uncompromisingly.
• Refuse, reject the manipulation or disrespect.
• Allow consequences to teach because they will follow after.
• Keep your heart open to reconciliation from God's working.. if repentance comes ..and it might never.
• Entrust the person to God.
Sometimes the very season that looks like failure is the road God uses to eventually humble a proud heart.
As one old Christian observation says:
“A parent can plant truth, water it with prayer, and guard it with discipline—but only God can make it grow in the heart.”
The Scriptures recognize that misguided compassion can sometimes strengthen rebellion instead of healing it. Love must be sincere, but it must also be wise.
Book of Proverbs gives a striking warning about rescuing someone from the consequences of their own destructive behavior:
“A man of great anger will pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.” (Proverbs 19:19)
In other words, repeatedly shielding someone from consequences often guarantees the behavior continues.
The same wisdom appears again in Proverbs:
“Whoever pampers his servant from childhood will in the end find him his heir.” (Proverbs 29:21)
The principle is clear: constant indulgence breeds entitlement, not maturity.
Scripture also teaches that consequences are part of God’s moral order:
In Book of Galatians we read:
“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)
When parents continually step in to absorb the cost of a grown child’s reckless choices—financially, legally, emotionally—they may unintentionally interrupt the very process God designed to bring a person to repentance.
Even the father in the story Jesus told in Gospel of Luke did not fund the rebellion of his younger son. Once the inheritance was taken, the father allowed the son to experience famine, poverty, and humiliation. Only then did the young man “come to himself” (Luke 15:17).
Jesus Christ was illustrating a painful truth: sometimes the road back to wisdom runs through the valley of consequences.
Many Christian thinkers have summarized this principle well.
The 19th-century preacher Charles Spurgeon warned:
“He who excuses sin encourages it.”
And the evangelist Billy Graham often reminded parents:
“Love is not indulgence. Love seeks what is best for the soul, even when it is difficult.”
Scripture itself captures the heart of tough love in Book of Hebrews:
“The Lord disciplines the one He loves… For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” (Hebrews 12:6,11)
True love sometimes means refusing to participate in someone else’s destruction.
A wise parent may therefore reach a place where love says:
• I will pray for you.
• I will welcome repentance.
• I will not enable rebellion.
• I will not absorb consequences that belong to you.
That kind of love is not cruel—it is clear-eyed and morally courageous.
As Proverbs quietly reminds us, a person who continually rejects wisdom eventually faces the weight of his own choices. And sometimes the very pain we wish to spare someone from becomes the tool God uses to awaken their conscience and bring them home.
Another way to describe “tough love” in biblical terms is steadfast love, courageous love, or convictional love—love that refuses to abandon truth even when the heart feels pulled the other way.
The Bible often describes this kind of strength with words like steadfast, firm, and immovable.
First Epistle to the Corinthians says:
“Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 15:58)
A parent holding the line with a rebellious adult child is often doing exactly that—remaining steady when emotions would rather give in.
In Scripture, love is never defined as indulgence. Real love is committed to what is right, even when it hurts in the moment.
Book of Proverbs says:
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” (Proverbs 27:6)
Sometimes the most loving act is the one that refuses to cooperate with someone’s self-destruction.
This kind of love is difficult because, as you noted, the heart rarely feels like holding the line. Yet Scripture calls believers to stand on conviction rather than emotion.
Jesus Christ Himself modeled this perfectly. In Gospel of Luke we read that before the cross He prayed:
“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42)
He did not act according to what He felt in that moment but according to what He knew was right.
That is the heart of biblical perseverance—holding to truth when feelings pull in another direction.
Epistle to the Hebrews describes Christ this way:
“For the joy set before Him He endured the cross.” (Hebrews 12:2)
In other words, He held the course because of conviction, not comfort.
Tough love. Man, it's tough for the one on either end.. giving it or otherwise.. on the other end. My fleshly nature, the corrupt world system, a wayward society, my natural feelings.. they just don't ever want to give out tough love. So “tough love” might also be described as:
• Steadfast love — a love for real believers to show, that refuses to move off truth.
• Courageous love — a respectful love willing to endure conflict for someone’s good.
• Convictional love — a love governed by the Holy Spirit and Scripture rather than by emotion.
• Redemptive love — a love that starts on it's knees and allows consequences to happen and they will.. so that true (instead of fake) repentance becomes possible.
The difficult truth is that drawing and holding a boundary almost never feels natural to a loving parent. Yet sometimes the most loving act is not rescuing someone from consequences but standing firmly in truth while leaving the door open to repentance.
As one old Christian saying puts it:
“Love that never confronts is not love at all—it is surrender.”
And Scripture reminds believers in the Epistle of James:
“Whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death.” (James 5:20)
Sometimes the path that leads someone back to wisdom begins with a parent who loves them enough to stop protecting them from their own rebellion.
God is patient with stubborn people and powerful enough to transform them. Here are several clear examples from both the Old and New Testaments.
1. King Nebuchadnezzar II — Pride Broken by God
Nebuchadnezzar ruled the greatest empire of his day and openly glorified himself.
“Is not this great Babylon that I have built by my mighty power and for the honor of my majesty?” — Book of Daniel 4:30
Because of his arrogance, God humbled him. For a period of time he lost his sanity and lived like an animal. When his pride was finally broken, he acknowledged the sovereignty of God.
“Now I… praise and extol and honor the King of heaven… those who walk in pride He is able to abase.” — Daniel 4:37
This story is one of the clearest examples of God humbling a proud ruler and bringing him to confession.
2. Manasseh — A Violent King Who Repented
Manasseh may be the most shocking turnaround in Scripture.
He did some serious wrong-doin's:
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Promoted idolatry
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Practiced witchcraft
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Filled Jerusalem with innocent blood (Too many in the Western world have killed babies. One is too many)
“Manasseh seduced them to do more evil than the nations…” — Second Book of Kings 21:9
Yet after years of rebellion, he was captured and humiliated.
“When he was in distress, he sought the favor of the Lord his God and humbled himself greatly.” — Second Book of Chronicles 33:12
God restored him, and Manasseh then removed idols and commanded Judah to serve the Lord.
His story proves no life is too far gone for repentance.
3. Moses — From Violent Anger to Humility
Before becoming Israel’s great leader, Moses acted out of rage and pride.
“He looked this way and that… and killed the Egyptian.” — Book of Exodus 2:12
After forty years in the wilderness, God transformed him.
“Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth.” — Numbers 12:3
God often reshapes fiery personalities into servants.
4. Jacob — A Deceiver Wrestled Into Faith
Jacob spent years manipulating others—his brother, his father, even his father-in-law.
His turning point came when God confronted him.
“Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men and prevailed.” — Book of Genesis 32:28
His limp afterward symbolized a man broken of self-reliance.
5. Jonah — A Bitter Prophet with a Hardened Heart
Jonah ran from God and later became angry that God showed mercy.
“O Lord… that is why I fled… for I knew that you are a gracious God.” — Jonah 4:2
God patiently corrected Jonah’s proud nationalism and hardened heart.
6. Apostle Paul — From Violent Persecutor to Apostle
Paul’s former life was aggressive hostility toward Christianity.
“Saul was breathing threats and murder against the disciples.” — Acts of the Apostles 9:1
Yet Christ confronted him dramatically.
“Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” — Acts 9:4
Paul later described himself this way:
“Formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and violent man, but I received mercy.” — First Epistle to Timothy 1:13
Paul became one of Christianity’s greatest missionaries.
7. Simon Peter — Pride Before Brokenness
Peter once insisted he would never deny Jesus.
“Even if all fall away, I will not.” — Gospel of Mark 14:29
But he denied Christ three times.
“He broke down and wept.” — Mark 14:72
After this humbling, Christ restored him and used him powerfully.
8. The Prodigal Son — Rebellion That Leads to Repentance
Jesus’ parable describes a son who wasted his inheritance in reckless living.
“He came to himself…” — Gospel of Luke 15:17
When he returned, the father welcomed him with grace—one of the most beautiful pictures of repentance and restoration in Scripture.
Encouraging Biblical Pattern
Across Scripture the pattern is clear:
Pride → Humbling → Repentance → Restoration
“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
— Epistle of James 4:6
Encouraging Statistics from Scripture
These numbers illustrate God’s patience.
The years some people resisted before the transformation of repentance with faith.. blows me away
| Person | Approx. Years in Rebellion |
|---|---|
| Manasseh | ~30–35 years of evil rule |
| Moses | 40 years in wilderness before calling |
| Paul | ~30 years as a Pharisee before conversion |
| Nebuchadnezzar | Many years of pride before humbling |
| Jacob | Decades of scheming before transformation |
The Bible repeatedly shows God working over long timelines.
“The Lord is not slow… but patient, not wanting any to perish.” — 2 Peter 3:9
Quotes of Truth About Hard Hearts Changing
Augustine of Hippo
“God had one Son on earth without sin, but never one without suffering.”
C. S. Lewis
“Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
John Newton
“I am a great sinner, but Christ is a great Savior.”
Worship Lyrics About Redemption
From the hymn Amazing Grace
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see.”
From Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing
“Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love.”
These lyrics echo the biblical truth that God rescues wanderers.
One of the Most Encouraging Promises
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you.”
— Book of Ezekiel 36:26
The Bible’s message is clear:
God specializes in breaking down pride and rescuing the hardest hearts, and many sinners specialize in not seeing their pride broken down. ie, Pharaoh, Judas
Q: What are 10 of the most dramatic conversions where God rescued extremely hardened.. but repentant men?
1. Apostle Paul — Violent Enemy Turned Apostle
Paul began as Christianity’s fiercest persecutor.
“Saul was breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord.” — Acts of the Apostles 9:1
He approved the killing of Stephen and hunted believers house to house.
Yet Christ confronted him on the Damascus road.
“Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” — Acts 9:4
Paul later wrote:
“Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” — First Epistle to Timothy 1:15
From persecutor to missionary theologian, Paul became one of the most influential believers in history.
2. Manasseh — Possibly the Most Evil King Who Repented
Manasseh’s crimes were extreme.
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Idolatry
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Sorcery
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Child sacrifice
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Murder of innocent people
“He shed very much innocent blood.” — 2 Kings 21:16
After years of rebellion, he was captured and humiliated.
“In his distress he sought the favor of the Lord… and humbled himself greatly.” — 2 Chronicles 33:12
God restored him, and he then removed idols and commanded Judah to serve the Lord.
3. King Nebuchadnezzar II — Pride Shattered by God
Nebuchadnezzar glorified himself for building Babylon.
“Is not this great Babylon that I have built?” — Book of Daniel 4:30
God struck him with madness until he acknowledged heaven’s authority.
“Those who walk in pride He is able to humble.” — Daniel 4:37
The once-arrogant emperor publicly praised God.
4. Jacob — Deceiver Transformed
Jacob spent decades manipulating people.
He deceived his father and cheated his brother.
But after wrestling with God:
“Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel.” — Book of Genesis 32:28
The schemer became the patriarch of Israel.
5. Moses — Murderer Turned Humble Leader
Before God called him, Moses killed a man in rage.
“He struck down the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.” — Book of Exodus 2:12
Forty years later, God had reshaped him.
“Now the man Moses was very humble.” — Numbers 12:3
The former fugitive became Israel’s great deliverer.
6. Jonah — Rebel Prophet with a Hardened Heart
Jonah ran from God and resented God’s mercy.
He fled instead of preaching repentance to Nineveh.
“Jonah rose to flee… from the presence of the Lord.” — Jonah 1:3
Through discipline and mercy, God corrected him and used him to spark one of the greatest revivals recorded in Scripture.
7. Simon Peter — Proud Disciple Broken by Failure
Peter confidently promised loyalty.
“Even if all fall away, I will not.” — Gospel of Mark 14:29
Hours later he denied Jesus three times.
“He broke down and wept.” — Mark 14:72
Jesus restored him and Peter later preached boldly at Pentecost.
8. Zacchaeus — Greedy Man Turned Generous
Tax collectors were infamous for corruption.
When Zacchaeus encountered Jesus, his heart changed.
“Half of my goods I give to the poor.” — Luke 19:8
That's a change where there was restitution, not merely making amends. We can't pay for forgiveness. Is amends even biblical? There must be more! Jesus declared:
“Today salvation has come to this house.” — Luke 19:9
9. The Prodigal Son — Arrogant Rebel Who Came Home
The son squandered everything in reckless living.
“He came to himself…” — Gospel of Luke 15:17
His return shows the Father's readiness to forgive repentant sinners.
10. The Penitent Thief — Last-Minute Redemption
One criminal mocked Jesus, but the other rebuked him and turned in faith.
“Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” — Gospel of Luke 23:42
Jesus answered:
“Today you will be with Me in paradise.” — Luke 23:43
Even a lifetime of sin was overcome by a moment of genuine faith.
A Powerful Pattern in Scripture
Have you suffered some loss? Go study each person within the context. Across the Bible, the same progression appears:
Pride → Confrontation → Pain → Humbling → Repentance → Transformation
“Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty, but humility comes before honor.” — Proverbs 18:12
Encouraging Historical Quote
C. S. Lewis
“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains.”
Hopeful Hymn Lyrics
From Amazing Grace
“Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.”
God's Got Some Encouragement
Many of these men resisted God for decades before their hearts changed.
The Bible repeatedly reminds us:
“With God nothing will be impossible.” — Gospel of Luke 1:37
Kurt, now give me 8 stories where God ..eventually humbled rebellious sons or hardened real enemies after their long seasons of pride, stubbornness, or hostility. (We all were enemies of the Cross).
1. Joseph — Brothers Who Sold Him, Later Broken by Conviction
Joseph’s brothers were jealous, cruel, and unrepentant when they sold him into slavery.
“They hated him and could not speak peaceably to him.” — Genesis 37:4
For about 20 years, they carried the secret. When famine forced them to Egypt, God confronted their conscience.
“We are truly guilty concerning our brother.” — Genesis 42:21
Their hardened hearts were finally softened, and reconciliation came.
2. The Prodigal Son — Pride Collapsing in the Pigpen
The younger son arrogantly demanded his inheritance and left home.
“He wasted his possessions with prodigal living.” — Gospel of Luke 15:13
After losing everything and facing starvation:
“He came to himself.” — Luke 15:17
His pride was broken by suffering, leading him back to his father.
3. Absalom — A Rebellious Son Destroyed by Pride
Absalom slowly built a rebellion against his father.
“So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.” — 2 Samuel 15:6
His pride and ambition eventually destroyed him.
“Absalom… was caught in the branches of a great oak.” — 2 Samuel 18:9
Though tragic, the story shows that God ultimately stops rebellious pride.
4. King Nebuchadnezzar II — Imperial Pride Humbled
For years Nebuchadnezzar glorified himself.
“Is not this great Babylon that I have built?” — Daniel 4:30
God humbled him dramatically until he acknowledged heaven’s authority.
“Those who walk in pride He is able to humble.” — Daniel 4:37
5. Manasseh — Wicked King Finally Repents
Manasseh ruled with extreme evil for decades.
“He did much evil in the sight of the Lord.” — Second Book of Kings 21:6
But after captivity and humiliation:
“He humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers.” — 2 Chronicles 33:12
God restored him, demonstrating astonishing mercy.
6. Apostle Paul — Enemy of Christ Stopped by Christ
Paul violently persecuted Christians for years.
“Saul was ravaging the church.” — Acts 8:3
But Christ confronted him personally.
“Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” — Acts 9:4
His life turned from destroyer to missionary.
7. Jonah — A Hardened Prophet Humbled
Jonah resisted God’s command and ran away.
“Jonah rose to flee… from the presence of the Lord.” — Book of Jonah 1:3
God disciplined him through the storm and the great fish until he repented and obeyed.
8. Jacob — A Lifetime Schemer Wrestled into Surrender
Jacob manipulated people for many years.
But God confronted him personally.
“Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel.” — Genesis 32:28
The encounter left him limping—a reminder that broken pride often marks the beginning of real faith.
Encouraging Pattern?
Notice the same truth appears repeatedly:
God allows pride to run its course until reality breaks it.
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” — Proverbs 16:18
But after the fall comes hope.
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.” — Epistle of James 4:10
Need Something Encouraging?
C. S. Lewis wrote:
“No man knows how bad he is until he has tried very hard to be good.”
God often uses failure and hardship to awaken the soul.
Hymn Lyrics of Hope
From Amazing Grace
“I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.”
A Final Encouraging Promise
“I will give you a new heart and a new spirit.” — Book of Ezekiel 36:26
Even the most stubborn heart can still be reached by God.
Parents dealing with a proud and rebellious son or daughter can do what?
Sometimes, wise tough love is fitting and appropriate.
1. Wisely Love Deeply, Even When the Relationship Is Broken
The father in Jesus’ parable never stopped loving his son.
“While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion.” — Gospel of Luke 15:20
In the story called The Prodigal Son (there were 2 prodigals), the father’s love remained steady and consistent even when the son was WAY reckless, selfish, disrespectful, and rebellious.
Love can remain there even when closeness WILL NOT. My parents, Kim and Betty, always told me: With people, love with an open hand. If a bird is in your hand and you clinch down on it, it will always struggle.. wanting to get away. (Not saying the father in the Bible did that at all)
2. Respect the Reality of Free Will. Sure!
God Himself allows people to choose their own path.
The gracious father in the parable allowed his spoiled son to simply leave with money that wasn't owed to him.. with his inheritance. The son acted like it was his property.
God does not coerce repentance, and neither can parents.
“Choose this day whom you will serve.” — Joshua 24:15
3. Do Not Chase Someone Determined to Run
In the parable, the father did not chase the son into the far country.
The son had to reach the moment when:
“He came to himself.” — Gospel of Luke 15:17
Sometimes distance allows God to work where persuasion cannot.
4. Let Consequences Become the Teacher
Hard hearts often learn only through consequences.
When the prodigal lost everything, the famine exposed his emptiness.
“Whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” — Galatians 6:7
Even God often lets life’s realities become a classroom.
5. Refuse to Participate in Sin or Enable Destructive Behavior
The Bible never instructs parents to support rebellion.
“Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness.” — Ephesians 5:11
Loving someone does not require endorsing their choices.
6. Guard Your Own Heart from Bitterness
Even righteous sorrow can slowly turn into resentment.
“See to it that no root of bitterness springs up.” — Hebrews 12:15
Parents must protect their own spiritual health while waiting.
7. Pray and Trust God to Work Where You Cannot
Only God can change a stubborn heart.
The conversion of Apostle Paul shows this vividly. No human argument stopped him—Christ intervened personally.
“The Lord opened her heart.” — Acts of the Apostles 16:14
The deepest work of repentance belongs to God.
8. Keep the Door Open for Repentance
Though the father did not chase the prodigal, he remained ready to welcome him.
“Bring the best robe… let us celebrate.” — Gospel of Luke 15:22–23
Grace waits patiently for genuine repentance.
9. Understand That Even God Experiences Rejection
The pain of rejection is not unique to parents.
God said of rebellious Israel:
“I have stretched out My hands all day long to a rebellious people.” — Book of Isaiah 65:2
Even the perfect Father has children who refuse Him.
10. Anchor Your Identity in God, Not in the Child’s Choices
A parent’s worth is not determined by a child’s decisions.
“Each of us will give an account of himself to God.” — Epistle to the Romans 14:12
Every soul ultimately answers for its own response to truth.
Two Fathers in Scripture Who Really Felt The Pain
King David
His spoiled son Absalom rebelled violently against him. Would have killed his dad too.
The father in the parable of the The Prodigal Son (No names were mentioned, so was it a real human story? That parable with Lazarus listed names)
David endured humiliation, heartbreak, and long real waiting.
Both stories show ust the emotional cost of a child’s pride.
A Wise Quote About Waiting
Augustine of Hippo once wrote about his mother praying for him for years:
“The child of those tears shall never perish.”
His mother prayed for decades before Augustine turned to Christ.
Encouraging Promise To Pray About
God can still break the hardest heart.
“I will remove the heart of stone.. and give you a heart of flesh.” — Ezekiel 36:26
Sometimes that miracle might take years.
God has repeatedly turned rebels into redeemed people. He knew who He would save.
