Indecency, immodest, and outta-whack -- all need to be so last season for us!
I remember several years ago, along with some Dana Point friends, driving up the coast to Long Beach, California, to attend a Christian conference by a really straight laced looking guy on proper submission to direct and delegated authority (It seemed decent enough, I had been such a rebel through the early '70s). He made some great points for sure from Bible passages I love. Us friends had some good fellowship along the way and then homeward.
And way back in the day after that event, The same man William addressed a gathering of 2,600 pastors in Dallas and made a sobering observation.
All our relationships matter to God. Some women we've met over the years really crave the idea of constantly leading their husbands spiritually. I think that feeling came from the fall. Women are, men are -- we are all to submit to authority, but that is not always so easy is it? We men, are to really love our wives all the way home. Yes, love like Christ loves His church.
He said: The most frequent complaint voiced by pastors’ wives was that their husbands were not taking spiritual leadership in the home. That indictment still echoes today. Why do men who can lead churches often fail to lead their own families wisely before God? Why do other so-called Christians fail in this area as well? (Then, years later, I heard Bill had somehow sadly drifted off base. I hope he turned back/repented.
Stories about men failing to spiritually lead their families confirm that this weakness is not so rare. One often-heard example is kind of humorous, almost, yet painfully revealing: A pastor starting to pray about God’s guidance on whether or not to move to another local church while his wife upstairs is already packing his suitcases. Don't do that, lady, just pray with him.
Bob Deffinbaugh once told about a well-known pastor-dude had been invited to preach temporarily at a sound and prominent church. One needs to pray about that kind of thing. Concerned that accepting might appear as self-promotion, he actually declined. Maybe his wife had prayed more? Then his wife, however, accepted on his behalf. He went and fulfilled the engagement and eventually accepted the pastorate. That story ended well, but Genesis 16 reminds us that many such situations do not.
Abram, the man of faith, proves in this chapter that even saints have clay feet at home. His quiet passivity under pressure brings lasting consequences. Yet before we fault Abram for listening to his wife, we must admit that many husbands fail in the opposite direction by refusing to listen when they should. This passage is not a weapon for husbands to wield against wives. It is a mirror for all of us, calling us to humility, discernment, and deeper trust in God’s promises.
Sarai’s Proposal (Genesis 16:1–6)
Genesis introduces Sarai as barren, a grief in any culture but especially in the ancient world where an heir secured the future. God had promised Abram, “I will make you a great nation” (Genesis 12:2). Sarai assumed the responsibility for producing that promised son must somehow rest on her. Since she could not conceive, she reasoned that another woman must bear the child for Abram.
She speaks with resignation and presumption mingled together:
“Now behold, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Please go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children through her” (Genesis 16:2).
Ancient customs did allow a barren wife to give her servant to her husband and claim the child as her own. Cultural acceptance, however, does not equal divine approval. Scripture nowhere assigned Sarai the task of fulfilling God’s promise by human ingenuity. God had commanded Abram to leave Ur (Genesis 12:1) and then promised to make him a great nation and bless the world through him (Genesis 12:2–3). The fulfillment rested with God, not with human strategy.
Sarai’s reasoning shows the subtle sin of presumption. Instead of trusting the Lord to do what He promised, she attempted to accomplish the supernatural by natural means. Faith waits for God’s provision. Presumption tries to force God’s hand or act in His place. As Augustine wisely said, “Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.” Yet even our work must remain within the boundaries of God’s will and promise.
Despite some commentators suggesting Sarai acted out of faith or sacrificial devotion, the text itself reveals no such confidence. Her proposal appears driven by social shame, personal disappointment, and perhaps the desire to secure Abram’s affection through providing an heir at any cost.
God’s original design for marriage already stood as the ideal: one man and one woman united as one flesh (Genesis 2:18–25). The Bible’s early examples of polygamy, beginning with Lamech (Genesis 4:19), are marked by tension and rivalry. Later narratives confirm the same pattern (Genesis 29:30ff.). Sarai’s plan followed cultural norms but departed from God’s ideal.
Faith does not attempt to accomplish God’s promises through the energy of the flesh. As Paul later explains, Ishmael represents what is born of human effort, while Isaac represents what is born of God’s promise (Galatians 4:21–31).
Abram’s Bad Passivity
Though Sarai initiated the plan, Abram bears equal responsibility. This failure did not begin in Genesis 16 but traces back to his earlier unbelief when he went down to Egypt during famine (Genesis 12:10–13:4). There he acquired servants, likely including Hagar, from Pharaoh (Genesis 12:16). The seeds of later trouble were sown in that earlier compromise. Indeed, the proverb holds true: the consequences of unbelief eventually return home.
“Abram listened to his wife” (Genesis 16:2). In Hebrew thought, listening often implies obedience. Abram’s failure was not that he heard Sarai but that he complied without discernment or prayer. He did not remind her of God’s promise. He did not seek the Lord. He yielded quietly. What appeared to be peacekeeping was actually abdication of spiritual responsibility.
Passivity is not spirituality. True leadership sometimes requires gentle resistance, wise counsel, and patient reassurance rooted in God’s Word. Perhaps Sarai longed for reassurance of Abram’s love. Perhaps she needed to be reminded of God’s promise and power. Abram obeyed her request but may never have truly heard her heart.
Hagar Got A Pride Issue
Hagar herself was not innocent. Though she had little agency as a servant, her attitude shifted once she conceived. “Her mistress was despised in her sight” (Genesis 16:4). She forgot that children are “a heritage from the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Pride grew where humility should have remained.
Thus sin multiplied. Sarai presumed, Abram submitted passively, and Hagar grew proud. Sin rarely travels alone; it forms a chain that binds everyone involved.
Soon the plan unraveled. Instead of uniting the family, Ishmael created division. Abram loved the child (Genesis 17:18,20; 21:11), but Sarai resented him (Genesis 21:10). What was meant to secure affection only produced conflict.
Sarai the blamed Abram, but it was her bad idea and he basically followed her lead with that (We've had a big problem on earth with this ever since):
“May the wrong done me be upon you” (Genesis 16:5).
Yet she herself had proposed the arrangement. Remorse replaced repentance. Abram again withdrew instead of leading, saying, “Your maid is in your power; do to her what is good in your sight” (Genesis 16:6). Sarai dealt harshly with Hagar, who fled toward Egypt.
Who Could Address The Mess? Divine Intervention Was Needed (See Genesis 16:7–16)
She said, “I am fleeing from the presence of my mistress Sarai.”
9 The Angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit yourself under her hand.” 10 Then the Angel of the Lord said to her, “I will multiply your descendants exceedingly, so that they shall not be counted for multitude.” 11 And the Angel of the Lord said to her:
“Behold, you are with child,
And you shall bear a son.
You shall call his name Ishmael,
Because the Lord has heard your affliction.
12 He shall be a wild man;
His hand shall be against every man,
And every man’s hand against him.
And he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.”
13 Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, “Have I also here seen Him who sees me?” 14 Therefore the well was called Beer Lahai Roi; observe, it is between Kadesh and Bered.
15 So Hagar bore Abram a son; and Abram named his son, whom Hagar bore, Ishmael. 16 Abram was eighty-six years old when Hagar bore Ishmael to Abram." Genesis 16:7-16 nkjv
Strikingly, God is absent from the first six verses. His name is mentioned only as the One Sarai claims prevented her from bearing children, yet no one seeks His will. When people insist on their own way, God sometimes allows them to feel the weight of their choices.
The Lord finally intervenes, not by speaking to Abram or Sarai, but to Hagar in the wilderness. The angel asks, “Hagar, Sarai’s maid, where have you come from and where are you going?” (Genesis 16:8). The question calls her to reflection. Running away does not erase responsibility. Even Jonah, in the belly of the fish, remained God’s prophet.
God commands her, “Return to your mistress, and submit yourself to her authority” (Genesis 16:9). Hard words indeed, yet echoed later in Scripture. Peter writes, “Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect… even to those who are unreasonable” (1 Peter 2:18–20). God’s will sometimes calls us to endure hardship with patience, trusting His justice and care.
With the command comes a promise: Ishmael will become a great multitude (Genesis 16:10). His name means “God hears,” a reminder that the Lord sees and hears the afflicted. Hagar responds with worship, declaring, “You are a God who sees” (Genesis 16:13). What comfort this must have given her through the difficult years ahead.
When to Work and When to Wait
Genesis 16 confronts a recurring dilemma for believers: when should we act, and when should we wait? Saul erred by acting when he was commanded to wait (1 Samuel 13; 10:8). In contrast, the church in Acts 12 needed to act when Peter stood knocking at the door instead of merely continuing in prayer (Acts 12:1–16). Wisdom lies in discerning God’s timing.
What Are The Several Good Principles That Emerge?:
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We should NOT act wrongly when God clearly gives out both responsibility and authority. God never commanded Abram or Sarai to go think up a way to produce the child of promise. God promised to provide one, simple as that (Genesis 12:1–3; 17:6,16,19).
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Our actions must spring from sound faith, not from fear of lack. “Whatever is not from faith is sin” (Romans 14:23). Sarai’s motive appears to have been driven by anxiety rather than trust in God.
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Obstacles sometimes strengthen faith, yet at other times they might signal God’s redirection for believers (Exodus 14; Acts 16:6–7). Discernment requires godly wisdom not worldly wisdom, which God gives out generously to the humble (James 1:5–6).
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We must question decisions that appeal strongly to any fleshly desires. What could have at first looked noble outwardly may have gratified hidden appetites.
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Pressure from others ..like from a well-meaning but fearful or anxious woman (in this case, wife), is rarely a sound motive for good actions. Abram acted largely to simply appease Sarai, not to honor God. Hey guys, lead wisely!
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Methods must align with God’s Holy Word, sterling character, and eternal purposes. Peer pressure, wife pressure, and cultural acceptance cannot sanctify methods that fall short of divine ideals.
Abram’s attempt to “help” God out only created centuries of conflict between the descendants of Isaac and Ishmael. God does not need our assistance; He desires our trust and obedience. As Hudson Taylor once said, “God’s work done in God’s way will never lack God’s supply.”
The Cost and Consequences of Acting Without God
Another sobering observation appears: God spoke to Hagar, but not to Abram or Sarai. Scripture records no word from God to Abram for thirteen years (Genesis 17:1). When we rely on human reasoning instead of divine guidance, God may allow silence to teach us dependence.
Abram even learned Ishmael’s name from what God told Hagar (Genesis 16:11,15). When we choose to be led primarily by human voices rather than by God, He may permit us to experience the loneliness of that choice.
Abram’s household struggled with the same tensions families face today. Wives may pressure out of fear; husbands may surrender leadership to keep peace. Yet neither presumption nor passivity honors God. True faith walks the narrow path between forcing outcomes and refusing responsibility.
What's More Important Than Seeing All In Your Family 1st-Hand Experiencing Christ's Salvation? Nothing.
We each need to grasp the Bible's deeper spiritual truth from the Holy Spirit. Many people attempt to assist God in saving themselves via good works.. bad idea.. as Abram attempted to assist God in fulfilling God's good promise with Hagar. But Scripture is clear:
“There is none righteous, not even one” (Romans 3:10).
“All our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment” (Isaiah 64:6).
We work from salvation, not for real salvation. The good works are to follow after we repent, believe in Christ and are forgiven.. regenerated inside. Just as Abram could not produce the promised son by human effort, we cannot produce righteousness by our own works. Salvation is entirely God’s gift through Jesus Christ.
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).
Faith rests in what God has done, not in what we can accomplish. We bring our weakness, our inability, and our need. He supplies forgiveness, righteousness, and new life.
So Genesis 16 gently yet firmly teaches us: do not force what God has promised to provide, do not abdicate what God has called you to lead, and do not trust the flesh where only faith in God will suffice.
What are some Bible verses about modesty?
How does God really define a decent Christian family?
What is the right and biblical way to lead a child to Christ?
What was the significance of the rebellion of that ungodly man, Korah?
What does it mean to be a godly husband?
Who is the head of the household according to the Bible?
What are the roles of the husband and wife in a family?
What does it mean to dress modestly?
What Such an old but good term -- modestly.
Should Christian women wear pants (trousers)? Nothing wrong with pants.
