Showing posts with label dysfunctional family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dysfunctional family. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 26, 2020

Though many in the world try to keep you away from koinonia fellowship these days, God really wants us enjoying uplifting community with his church family. Fellowship starts with Jesus.

What’s not to love about real fellowship? 

I love and need that more than so many other good things here. 

Why? It's because I really love and need the Lord who blesses this fellowship...most. Yep, need him the most; far more than needing people. We are to be vert-dependent on him, yet righteously interdependent horizontally. I say let's obey him and fellowship together! The Bible says...

"And let us consider how to spur one another on to love and good deeds. Let us not neglect meeting together, as some have made a habit, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-25

What's so different now in this regard in the USA? 

Never before have we seen a time like this here where Libs and local authority figures are openly protecting rioters out rioting, out looting, and out setting homes, churches, and businesses on fire (with gobs of funded lawyers standing in the wings to get these criminals out of jail so they quickly return to this). And they're also openly attacking churchgoers for trying to go to church to worship and enjoy fellowship. In our town have they allowed you to return for this fellowship that strengthens?  

Have you visited dead, cold or religious churches before and not experienced real fellowship? Sorry ‘bout that. Doesn’t have to be that way. God ain’t like that.  

What’s so cool is that no matter where you travel around this globe you can enjoy the same sweet fellowship cuz we are one body in Christ. One family building each other up in him. Perhaps your biological family has long been broken or whack and you feel this need inside.. lacking loving family life?

two men sitting and one man standing near cliff taken during golden hour

As believers it can be pretty easy to be a poser.. to fool other born again Christians into believing that our life is perfect (some are tempted to fake it like this), but behind closed doors we know that life is not that way.. not perfect. We really aren't and need to let others know that. 

For many it’s fairly easy to go to church fellowship and act like a Christian should act, but it's not so easy to act like a Christian all the time like at school, at work, or around friends. You know it’s been said, “Honesty is the best policy.” And it’s true because being caught in a lie is not a fun thing. A life of duplicity and hypocrisy ain't pleasant at all. Why continue to live a double life because you don’t really want others to know who you really are? 

Would you pray something like.. Jesus come in to be Lord, do forgive me and please make me real all the time. I long for fellowship with you and growing believers. Fill me with your Spirit-- keep and use me for your glory. 

"Being in a community with other followers of Jesus is something that we should desire in life. It keeps us from hiding behind the mask of positivity. In a Christian community you can learn to fight sin, to be encouraging, and to pray for the needs of other people. But before you can do all of that, you need to be honest about the things going on in your life.

Be Honest with God

Being honest with God is the first step in being in community with other believers. If you believe that your life is good, and that everything is put together accordingly, you won’t believe the truth that you have sin in your life. The Bible says that we all “fall short of the glory of God” (see Romans 3:23). If we have sin in our lives and aren’t able to meet God’s perfect standard, then we need to admit that to Him. When we can be honest with God, He will make us honest about everything else.

Be Honest with Each Other

Ephesians 4:25 says that we should speak the truth with our neighbors because we are members of the same family. The Scriptures teach us that we are brothers and sisters because God is our Father and we are His kids. We should be honest about what we do so that we can help other people when they are in need. God has gifted each one of us in unique ways that can help other people in their circumstances. Have you been honest about your life and the difficulties you face? We believe the Lord wants to use you through the darkest valley you have faced.

Be Honest with the World

It’s easier to be a light in this world when you are at church, but not so easy when you’re around friends who aren’t followers of Jesus. Let’s be honest, we all know that it’s more difficult to express our faith in Jesus Christ to others, but God has promised that when we face difficulties that He will be right there with us. The world needs to know that you are a follower of Jesus. For the sake of the world we must be different than the world. You need to stand out in order to make a difference and that might mean being ridiculed by others. Are you willing to sacrifice being comfortable in your faith rather than allowing someone you know to spend eternity separated from God? It’s a hard truth we need to grapple with, but when we believe that God has a purpose for us to shine His light into the world, He will bless us for taking that step of faith.

Trust that God has given you friends to encourage you and strengthen you when you need it most. He places people in our lives to share their experiences with us so that we can learn and link shields together for the sake of the gospel." ~ Brad Ormonde Jr. 

Fellowship is so important!  


Ask yourself these question and allow God to minister His encouragement to you:

  1. Have you been honest with God about the sin in your life? If you have never confessed your sins, do it now.
  2. Are you hiding behind a mask? What will it take for you to be honest with yourself and others who know you?
  3. When you’ve faced something difficult in life, who has been there for you and how can you be there for others during their difficulties? 
Though many in the world try to keep you away from koinonia fellowship these days, God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit really want us enjoying uplifting community with his family. Fellowship starts with Jesus.
- But I tried fellowship and church before, but it didn’t work for me.

- But there are too many hypocrites in the church. So why should I become a 24/7 on-fire Christian now?

- When people say NO to Christ the whole way through their life and to this sweet fellowship.. how then can a loving God send those people to Hell?
People send themselves there. God honors our choices. 

Maybe before you die God catches his believers outta here. No fears! Why not take part in that? You will either get right or get left (the Rapture will soon happen)..and I don't mean politically. 

You were created to enjoy fellowship with God the Father in a meaningful friendship. Yes, in a personal way through the Son—yes, to biblically worship and have a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ.

Fellowship upwards and outwards with believers is so great and satisfying! And God doesn’t send anyone to miss it going to Hell. We basically send ourselves there if we choose. It was never God's design to send people he made to Hell. It breaks the heart of God to see people rebell. I mean folks he created in His image; those who don't want to be in heaven with God and make the deliberate choice to reject Christ. God won't force.. won't make any be with him and his family forever.

Hell was not made for people; it was made for rebellious fallen angelic beings, Satan and his crew, who wanted to usurp to gain worship and a higher position than God.

In Matthew 25:41, Jesus says that everlasting fire was prepared for Mr. Lu-Cifer and the other devils (fallen angels--a third of all the angels made).

Scripture also teaches, “[God] is not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

That's why God sent Jesus to die on the cross in our place—to bridge the gap between sinful people and a Holy God. Listen, the gates of Hell are basically locked from the inside. No exit. In the future if you end up in Hell, you will have practically had to climb over Jesus to get there. We point to him -- God's only provision and ultimate Solution for our sin.

silhouette of person hand

Has the enemy and the world lured you into something perhaps fun at first to where you've gotten stuck? Has the world chewed you up and spit you out? Hate that! God understands.


Listen, it's forgiven sinners who go to heaven, not those who didn't need any pardon from God. None other go. Can't earn your way in.

Yes, Christians ain't superior to any other person. None, nada. We are saved sinners who seek to grow up and avoid sinning. A person who believes Jesus Christ is the only Son of God and proclaims that truth is basically just one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread and life. Start today! He waits with open arms. Will welcome you!

Friday, August 30, 2019

Dealin' with a DIL or an MIL? Hey, God can give you both grace.

Image result for ruth and naomi blueletterbible
If all parties are wise and reasonable--good. If either the MIL or the DIL don’t see the requests or desires of the other one as reasonable guess what.. this relationship can get strained pretty quickly. 

Be reasonable, be slow to anger, be slow to judge hearts and minds--only God can to that. Cut em some slack from both sides. Just die to self and your fleshly nature, believer. 

The Bible says, “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will liveFor those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.” Romans 8:13-14 

Are you dealing with a mother-in-law? Dealing with a daughter-in-law?

Ever been asked some questions on this stuff? Makes me want to study the topic -- believing father in laws need to die to their old nature too. 
Who can you see that is a DIL or MIL in the Bible? How did they get along? I've been lookin' at the words of other in-laws on this stuff, cuz of course "dudes like me need to kind of get it a bit." Like...

"I really want to have a good relationship with you. I never want to judge, manipulate, compete with, or control. As badly as I want to be close to you and the family, I need to give you and us time. I long for you to feel like my daughter -- blessed by me. It means the world to be when you initiate contact with me. Pray for me -- sure, let’s pray for each other. I do need your prayers, and I appreciate them." The Bible says, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16)

Choose to be in Jesus and Spirit-filled..walking in the Spirit instead of in the flesh daily -- no need for selfishness right. Choose to be a kind DIL, MIL, FIL and SIL person.. to act respectfully, hospitably, honestly, patiently -- to be unselfish and reasonable on both sides..instead of passive aggressive or openly that way (aggressive or bitter). Be double respectful and loyal to your parents. Duh. That's a given..and be slow to judge when your mother-in-law sounds not reasonable, and visa versa.. cuz either might just be honest and wanting to help out as most do for each other (helping out some might be from her own upbringing and family culture). You know how in the world this DIL vs MIL relationship can become worse than horrible real quickly and then get even worse than that if both sides aren’t careful. Selfishness is the way of the world. In Christ though..it can be harmonious and blessed. Dealing with a mother-in-law or DIL can be good for growth...so ask: How do I respond to her or to a problem of a mother-in-law who is acting overbearing, controlling, and meddling?" You know many out there act like that. 
I have had some DILs before, but now have a really great DIL I feel. She is honest and she has an even greater MIL (my wife). I pray they are blessed together. The dynamic has always been interesting to watch with each one, and with others I've met. But an overly gatekeeper-type of isolated DIL dolling out too many commands on the homefront, or a meddling mother-in-law who is demanding, controlling, pushy and who constantly intrudes into the lives of her son/daughter and daughter-in-law/son-in-law ..is what the Bible calls a "busybody" (1 Timothy 5:13). I say meditate upon this passage. The meaning of the Greek word that is translated "busybody" in the 1 Timothy passage means "a self-appointed overseer in other men's matters." Overly-overseeing is what some mothers-in-law are engaged in, or at least accused of doing. This kind of behavior is SO annoying, it's very frustrating for many, and it's contrary to God's plan for the family. Your family life with relatives. 

Obviously, the dynamics in such a situation can be worse than frustrating. Rude even. A mother-in-law may do these things because no one else in the family has given her boundaries..respectfully. Therefore, she becomes an overbearing "bully-type." A MIL, really? Sure. Perhaps she does not even realize how intrusive and controlling she has become. To her it may just be actively "loving." If that is the case, perhaps a heart-to-heart talk will clear the air. If she does understand what she is doing and does it on purpose even after she has been asked to stop it, then there is nothing that you are going to be able to do to alter that. She needs to repent and or.. get saved

Regardless of which side of the family the interference comes from, it is can be like an assault upon the sanctity of the marriage and it violates the "leave and cleave" of God's order for marriage as found in the Bible (Genesis 2:23-24). A man and woman leave their birth families and begin a new family, and they are to love and protect each other. That is normal. A husband who allows his mother or his mother-in-law to interfere with his marriage gobs is not living up to the commandment given to husbands in Ephesians 5:25-33. (My mom Betty has never done that. I feel grateful, thanks mom! My helpful parents have been super for my wife Liney and I. Thank you parents!) Boundaries need to be set with God's wisdom and then held regardless of the resistance encountered. The reality is that people often treat us the way we allow them to treat us. If we permit them to trample on the sanctity of our family, then that is what they will do. No one, not even our extended family, has the right to invade the privacy of our home and we don't with their home. It is the responsibility of the husband to guard that privacy properly. He should take the spiritual lead in gently—but kindly.. firmly—explaining to his mother-in-law what she is doing that is over the line and assuring her that such behavior cannot be tolerated. A wise DIL need not be too isolated from help as well. The husband should remind his mom that God has given him the responsibility for his family and to relinquish any of that responsibility to her is to disobey God's word. He should also assure her that he and his wife still love her, plan to spend time with her, but that the relationship has changed and he is in charge now. He needs to repent trust in Christ, and say his mom that he is sorry for his past rudeness or blunt disrespect towards her. And mean it enough to change that. That's just humble. That is God’s design for the family, two way respect in His wonderful Son who has acted humbly.. and that is the way it will be when Jesus is Lord in the home. Then the couple must stand firm in their biblical resolve. Biblical convictions stemming from that right vertical relationship are the basis of how it just works good, long and right.

What can we do about reacting to a woman who acts in the way a meddling mother-in-law does? We can make a choice not to allow her to take away our peace of mind. We may not be able to change the way others behave, but how we respond to their behavior is our choice. We can allow the actions of other people to get to us, or we can choose to give it over to God and allow Him to use this to strengthen us spiritually. It is our own response to this type of situation that fuels our frustration. Only we can stop wearing ourselves out emotionally by allowing an interfering mother-in-law's actions to be the arbiter of our own peace. Her behavior is not our responsibility; our response is.

Parents and in-laws should be treated with respect and love, but we must not allow our emotions to entangle us. The best way to disengage an enemy is to make him an ally. This is done through God’s grace. Christians can always give the grace of forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32). It may not stop a mother-in-law from interfering, but it will be a source of strength and peace to stand in (Ephesians 6:11-17). The only place to find true peace of heart is in a personal relationship with God through Christ. Only then can we respond by resting in His peace.

Recommended Prayerful Reading Resource: The Whole Bible (Yep, the Word is Top Priority), The Gift of Forgiveness by Charles Stanley 

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Kids, are to be loved -- you know they've all got so much potential. See it and pray for them. For each one. God has a good plan.

I wanna encourage parents with proverbs (and more verses too), and tell them that Bible proverbs are not promises ..though many parents take em as such and then some later on feel hurt by God like He has let em down. He hasn't. 
I want to challenge parents to be on-fire for the Lord, not luke-warm (carnally, impure, worldly) or cold (like some dead fish in the freezer. sadly, too many have to their own hurt, and to others). 
Thirty-one of em--Proverbs, I love reading the one for the day’s date. Not promises, but Proverbs are excellent principles from God ..that if wisely applied.. will give each of us a really good shot for the best outcome in life as we put the Lord first (See Matthew 6:33).. i.e., They are principles for child rearing too, and for winning em to Christ (I mean the Jesus of the Bible. Yeah, that One, the only way). 
Sure had a lot of fun adventuring for some years in Europe and elsewhere with our boys. Parents should enjoy this season of life--I mean with lots of real joy and laughter in the home. God’s a perfect Father that’s not uber-strict or cold and stern. He’s always done a perfect job--did none of his kids go prodigal? Not sure personally, if I always wisely applied these verses, sure tried to--God knows. Daily, I wish I was more like Him. Yup, still. Got a long ways to go, but we can know, walk close, and grow in the Lord. 
Individuals like kids still have a free will and some can later opt to drink, to use other substances. Some are mentally ill fairly young, or some go to war and see way too much. Can't help that. Some choose to make so many bad choices with close foolish friends etc that they’ve helped themselves on into madness. God hasn’t been away on a vacation-cruise, He knows and is in-charge. The Holy Spirit still loves us and does His very best to reach/save/help us.
We have our elections, we study best we can, we make our decisions, and God is in-charge so we show respect to those in delegated authority. God's hands are on the affairs of this world. The Bible says... 
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6-8 esv
“The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.” Proverbs 21:1

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”  Psalms 127:3-5
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”  Psalms 139:13-16
“What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray?  And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.”  Matthew 18:12-14
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”  Ephesians 2:10

You can do this. Let the Lord lead you. Be encouraged parents--fear not! You don't have to do things perfectly to have a good outcome. Trust God to do his part. Does it look kinda bad right now. Focus your eyes on God, the perfect Father. 

It ain't over until it's over. Have the right priorities.. in order. Balance pure love and smart discipline that really fits the situation for their benefit. God does--remember they really belong to Him. Here’s some memory verses for kids of all ages--they’ve helped me. 

Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Memory verses for parents to meditate upon.  You know the Bible uses Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic words, the first two for our term “discipline.” These are much more encompassing than we use in the English language, so it’s good to look at all of them.

i.e., Hebrew “muwcar” (originates from the term “yacar”). In the New Testament check out the meaning of the Greek word “paideía” regarding their education like in Ephesians.    

Daily balance love and disciple, stay in agreement parents. Parents must win. Balance respectful courtesy and control (not that you’re over controlling). Remember, if you’re too disciplinarian or harsh in style, it will become easier for them to grow up and hate you (and your kind God). If you’re too lenient and never use wise discipline in raising em, then you could make it easier for them to grow up and hate you (and your God). Why do that? Do it His way instead. The Bible says...

Ephesians 6:4-6 “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” 
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Proverbs 1:8-9 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
If you don't live a life of JOY in Jesus how will you long-term help your kids or anyone? Parents are commanded to wisely discipline children in love, yet certainly not to go overboard. Hey, they aren't your property. 
Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13-14 (KJV) Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.