The best kind of wisdom is there to be had for free if you really want this. All people of every Land need this wisdom every single day and God is the gracious Person who generously gives His wisdom out. Yep, He is the Source of the best type of wisdom for you, especially regarding relationships. He's given us everything we need to know on this stuff in the Bible.
I want you thrilled, amped, totally stoked in Christ (the ultimate Friend), and growing up with real friends. Do you ever feel empty, afraid to die, guilty, insignificant or lonely? You can be in His family! It doesn't matter what age you are.
Lots of people of all ages have been burned by so called friends, or wounded on different levels of hurt, and even destroyed simply by choosing one wrong friend or one foolish close friend. I mean it, and you know it's true! Have you ever watched the Next 48, or Cops?
"He who walks as a companion with wise men will be wise, but the companions of conceited, dull-witted fools are fools themselves and will experience harm." Proverbs 13:20 amp
"Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces." msg
"..become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble." nlt
"Be with wise men and become wise. Be with evil men and become evil." tlb
I say ask for wisdom from your very best of friends (even if you don’t yet first-hand know Him as such). I mean from the Jesus of the Bible.
For God the Father so agape-loved the world (you and me) that He gave what we each need most (The only Solution for our sin prob, and consequential eternity without hope problem) See John 3:16).
In The New Testament agape love is considered the highest form of love. It’s unconditional love, by choice, and self-sacrificing (think on the Cross here). Agape moved God the Father to send His sinless Son Jesus (who is 100% man and 100% God, the God-man -- as a costly sacrifice of love for you). Yes, as an acceptable sacrifice for my sins and yours.
“For God so (agape) loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” John 3:16 nasb. #emph.mine
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13
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| Photo by Jed Villejo |
I say.. also check out the book of Proverbs in the Bible for some godly wisdom instead of for that lame worldly wisdom on friendships etc.
What does God have to say about friendships in the book of Proverbs? (Click here)
Godly friends are so valuable! Having them around, like at church, is having real treasure there. It's because they bring you closer to the Lord the one who is our top Treasure of all treasures.
The Hebrew word translated as “kindness” is hesed, which is translated as love and mercy, but is also used to mean “loyalty to His covenant obligations”. The word communicates a steadfastness and consistency that is tied to God’s holy divine nature. Writing this on your heart carries the idea of making sure that you don’t forget them or engraving these concepts in stone if ya will, so that they will always be there for you.. so that truth and gracious kindness will truly be a part of your relationships.
“Hesed” kind of love appears approximately 250 times in the Old Testament Scriptures. More than half of those times are in the book of Psalms. It occurs first in Genesis 19:19 and lastly in Zechariah 7:9.
When Moses met God on Mount Sinai, God’s own description of himself included the attribute “hesed.”
“Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, ‘The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin..’” Ex. 34:6-7 nasb.
Other Bible versions for lovingkindness in Exodus 34 use the word, faithfulness, goodness, mercy, and love. Like the conundrum of our learning Italian and seeking the right word, all of the descriptions are correct yet none express it perfectly.
Hesed describes an emotion, links to salvation, binds the relationship between people and covenants with God. It moves toward action and endures throughout all time.
David expresses his confidence in God’s lovingkindness (hesed) in Psalm 23:6, “Surely goodness and lovingkindness (hesed) will follow me all the days of my life..” (nasb).
Micah 6:8 describes our duty before God. “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice, to love kindness (hesed), and to walk humbly with your God?” nasb.
And Zechariah speaks of the relationship with one another. “Thus has the Lord of hosts said, ‘Dispense true justice and practice kindness and compassion (hesed) each to his brother” Zechariah 7:9 nasb.
Hesed love is the foundation of friendship and every relationship known to humanity. “Ointment and perfume delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.” (Prov 27:9)
Although “hesed” love is sometimes translated in the Greek Septuagint as agape love, it is most often translated in the New Testament as mercy (eleos). The Greek agape is one of three types of love in the New Testament. Covenant love of the Old Testament is often expressed as committed love in the New Testament. Agape and hesed entwine, both rich in meaning and deep with affection, both expressing really faithful love.
In the Old Testament as in the New Testament, God is a God of love, compassion, mercy, kindness, and goodness. Sure God hates too -- He hates what would destroy the people that He loves (you and me). He Hates the corrupt world system, He hates deceit, lies, wickedness, evil and sin.. it’s cuz He loves people. The attributes described in the word hesed apply within the context of agape New Testament love. However impossible it is humanely to love perfectly, Jesus Christ fulfills the divine requirements of both agape and hesed love. His sacrifice on the cross is the infinite enduring definition of infinite mercy, grace, and love.
You know how God’s Word clearly warns us to choose our friends wisely. “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Prov 13:20) Walk close with the wisest (Jesus) and with the wise believers and you will grow wise. It can happen.
If you spend a lot of time with wise people, you will learn from them and gain greater understanding. However, when you spend a lot of time with foolish people (those who do not fear the Lord), harm is surely the outcome.
Please choose your close friends wisely. Okay, define friendship, Kurt!
Are we as believers supposed be about showin' unselfish tough love to our friends only, or are we to be about showin' an unselfish listening type of affirming-love (which literally soothes the soul's-wounds or addresses the doubts, fears or tensions) only? Sup with the iron sharpening iron part? Answer:
“Why not as believers be about showin' both types of love depending upon the closeness of the relationship factor, the built-trust component -- yeah, according to the level of that particular friendship.. right? We are to come along side of a bro, and walk with each other to lift each other up (meaning with encouraging fellowship, with edifying, with some reproving or rebuking (perhaps, when needed) and the equipping of each other." ~ Bill Fergusson
Grace and truth -- speaking what's so and what's needed in love! "Our coming alongside you to encourage you was not out of some delusion, or impure motive, or an intention to mislead you." 1 Thess 2:3 tpt
"For our appeal does not come from delusion or impure motives, nor is it motivated by deceit [our message is complete, accurate, and based on the truth—it does not change]." ~ Paul, 1 Thess 2:3 nkjv
Now most of the Old Testament words translated "friend, " "friendship, " or "be friendly" come from two Hebrew roots, rh and hb. The most common terms for friend are reeh, [h,[er] "friend, " and oheb, [b;hoa] a participial form meaning "one who loves." In the New Testament several words appear, including philos [fivlo"], "friend, " hetairos [eJtai'ro"], "companion, comrade, " and plesion [plhsivon], "neighbor, " along with a variety of kinship terms such as "brother, " "mother, " or "child, " extended to refer to people outside one's family for whom one feels special affection. The terms used most include philos [fivlo"], "friend." Adelphos [ajdelfov"] / adelphe [ajdelfhv], is for "brother/sister, " the last of which becomes a technical term for a fellow believer.
In both Testaments the ideas of friend and friendship involve three components:
1.) Association,
2.) Loyalty, and
3.) Affection.
There are also three levels of meaning here:
1.) Friendship as association only;
2.) Friendship as association plus loyalty; and
3.) Friendship as association plus loyalty plus affection.
At the very lowest level a friend is simply an associate or "the other fellow" ( Judges 7:13 ; Rom 15:2 ; James 4:12 ). In Jesus' parables the vineyard owner addresses a laborer ( Matt 20:13 ) and the host speaks to a wedding guest he does not know ( Matt 22:12 ) using the term "comrade." Jesus addresses Judas in this way in the garden: "Friend, do what you came for" (Matt 26:50).
At a higher and theologically more interesting level the idea of friendship contains not only the component of association but also that of loyalty. The "king's friend" (2 Sam 15:37 ; 16:16 ; 1 Kings 4:5 ; 1 Chron 27:33) serves as a royal advisor or, in the Maccabean period, as a member of a favored class of nobles (1 Macc 2:18; 3:38; 6:10; 10:65). Hiram of Tyre's "friendship" with David (1 Kings 5:1) is actually a political alliance that may have little to do with affection but everything to do with treaty obligations. The "friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Prov 18:24) shows loyalty. When the Jews accuse Pilate of not being "a friend of Caesar" ( John 19:12 ), they are questioning his loyalty to the emperor.
The highest level of friendship contains the components of association and loyalty along with affection. The friendship of David and Jonathan (1 Sam 18:1-4; 20:14-17) has all three components, as does the friendship between Paul and the Philippian church (see, e.g., Philippians 4:1 Philippians 4:15-20). According to Scripture there are three possible objects of friendship: another person, God or his Son, or someone else who follows Jesus.
The first involves human friendship based simply on common humanity with all the joys and dangers associated with it. Human friendship brings help in time of trouble (Prov 17:17 ; 27:10 ; Luke 11:5-8) and advice in perplexing situations (Prov 27:9). A friend may provide consolation in trouble, as when Barzillai the Gileadite consoles the hunted David (2 Sam 19:31-39), or when the friends of Jephthah's daughter help her mourn her early death ( Judges 11:37-38 ). A friend may offer help at the risk of death, as Hushai the Arkite does when he spies for David in the court of Absalom the usurper (2 Sam 15:32-37 ; 16:16-19 ; 17:5-16). A friend may rebuke in love, proving more faithful than a flatterer (Prov 27:6). Ecclesiastes develops the theme of friendship in the "two are better than one" passage (4:9-12).
One of the greatest biblical examples of the "friend who sticks closer than a brother" is the relationship between David and Jonathan. Jonathan's loyalty to David runs deeper than his loyalty to his father Saul or his own ambitions (1 Sam 18:1-4 ; 20:14-17). The dirge David sings when he hears of Jonathan's death marks their relationship as a high point of human friendship (2 Sam 1:17-27). Ruth's stubborn loyalty to her mother-in-law Naomi stands as another display of human friendship at its highest.
In the New Testament Paul shows a talent for gaining friends. In his letters he names many people as his special friends in Christ. In the Book of Acts Paul's friends include even the pagan officials of Asia known as Asiarchs (Acts 19:31).
While friendship on the human level has its joys and consolations, it also has its dangers. Sometimes a friend can fail to dissuade one from an evil action, as Judah's friend Hirah the Adullamite does when he helps Judah make arrangements with a supposed prostitute (Gen 38:12-23). A friend can lead one into sin, as when Jonadab son of Shimeah persuades his cousin Amnon to rape his half sister Tamar (2 Sam 13:1-6). A friend can even lead one to worship other gods (Deut 13:6-11 ). Proverbs contains warnings about the dangers of bad company as "friends" etc (1:10-19 ; 4:14-19)**
I say, find godly friends who live the life rather than merely talk the talk. Choose friends who are are loyal and graciously speak God’s truth in love. “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (Prov 27:17)
The mention here that two people learning what’s really so from each other and spiritually maturing and growing together.. are like two pieces of iron carefully rubbing together for sharpness, yes, whereby both pieces become much sharper is SO important. We need holy friends like that in our lives, and we need to BE loyal friends like that to someone else. Bathe it in prayer, God can give you wisdom for this.
Choose friends who love God more than everything and everyone. Choose on-fire Christian friends who love to go to God daily in prayer, and love to go to a healthy Bible teaching church to worship Jesus, to learn truth better, and to fellowship so others can be built up too. Choose close friends who out of the overflow of JOY and spiritual victory want to win souls to Christ both inside or outside of church.
Decent churchmanship with grace, truth, friendship and mercy is so lacking in our world today.
You can seek out wise counsel regarding godly wisdom for every level of friendship from mature reborn Christian men or women leaders in a healthy Bible teaching church. That's a good idea!
Why choose really close friends who are cold and lost, who are hypocritical carnal Christians or luke-warm in their faith. Why choose close friends who are into sinning and into worldliness? Ladies, kids, everyone.. be cautious before you get so close. You don’t just move in with them. Is he really a sound and growing born again believer? Have you inquired and really prayed about who you go out with? Are you married to that guy, Ms? I say witness to them, pray and influence them towards the Lord and a healthy church. I say limit your time with those who are not on-fire for the Word. You don’t want them pulling you down spiritually or even worse.
Psalm 59:16 NASB “But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength; Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning, For You have been my stronghold.”
Psalm 90:14 NASB “O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness, That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”
Psalm 92:2 NASB “To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning, And Your faithfulness by night,”
Ps. 143:8 NASB “Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to You I lift up my soul.”
Lam. 3:22-23 NASB “The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.”
Believer, Here Are 7 Ways You Can Prepare To Experience Hesed And Agape Friendship Daily:
1.) Wisely Practice Beginning Each Day With A Quiet Time Alone With God.
Whether you work deep-night and wake in the day, or wake up with the dawn and manage to smile about the Lord being there at your side, or even drag yourself from the depths of some black hole so to speak.. as you greet a new day.. hesed Friendship is waiting for ya. Check out all the Bible verses on friendship both upwards and outwards that can help any believer start out their day on the right hesed foot.
2.) Wisely Practice Praying Candidly, Praising From The Heart And Worshipping Jesus Acceptably Throughout The Day.
Choose early even today to make it a habit of studying God's word and then praying over these truths and attributes. Then worshipping out loud with the truths of God’s overabundant love. Make a list. Write em down.. yes, a list of words that refer to hesed love. Keep them in your Bible and add to it as you find more of them. Explore the rich meanings of eros love, storge love, philia love, and selfless agape love (You know every Christian marriage where the two want to stay best friends forever as they focus on Christ.. should have all of these types of love expressed). When you pray over your list, speak about them back to your heavenly Father asking Him for more wisdom and grace regarding His love. Even a finite sliver of the magnitude of God’s infinite love revealed ..will flow out into worship and then evangelism and or edifying (biblical) discipleship.
3.) Wisely Practice The Memorization Of Bible Truth So If They Take Your Bibles And Shutdown All Christian Sites You’ll Be Ready.
Seriously now! Memorization can be difficult, but the Spirit via prayerful vocal repetition can make it much easier. It requires discipline and intention for sure, but the rewards vastly outweigh the diligent work that's involved. Planting seeds of God’s Word in hearts starting at home.. is always worth every effort. Planted in our minds and memory, it will produce lasting fruit. Good fruit that will transform, soothe and renew.
4.) Wisely Practice Biblical Meditation -- Envisioning Yourself Doing Good Works For God’s Glory.
God bending toward me in lovingkindness a great (even precious) picture. I'm a grandfather now and I like to listen to my grandkids when I get a chance. As I personally rest my head Liney's shoulder at night (we like to pray very candidly), or have her head on my shoulder, our hearts soften with God's love. I run out of love cuz I'm human but God's love never does. When I meditate on verses that point me towards God’s hesed and agape towards me, a similar deep closeness results.
5.) Wisely Practice Edifying Others In Bible-Based Fellowship.
It might sound strange when asked, Are you a part of the Body of Christ? That's His Church. Our relational community locally with other growing born again believers can be a regular taste of God’s design for loving communion. Yes, this fellowship with the body of believers is essential to growth and accountability. It's part of the rescipe for Christian growth. I say: Read the Bible every day, pray and listen every day. Fellowship upwards with God through Christ, and then outwards with on-fire Christians daily and go tell someone about what God has done in your life! Give Him all the glory. It's imperative to attend a biblically rooted and vibrant church for fellowship. Find a small LifeGroup or a Bible study at your school or workplace to challenge others and your own spiritual growth.
6.) Wisely Practice Bible Principles Again And Again (In God's Timing And Way).. After Hearing Well And Grasping God’s Word.
When God's anointed ministry with His profound truths enter into your spirit, mind and person.. hesed love with all its many aspects and meanings like: lovingkindness, loyal-love, faithful love, biblical-covenant-love, steadfast love, enduring love, and more good stuff that lasts.. will take deep root downwards so that spiritual fruit is produced upwards for Christ's glory! Sure, it's an exciting life in Jesus!
7.) Wisely Practice Pointing People To Jesus Christ -- Tactfully Sharing The Gospel Message Along With Your Own Story Of Faith.
Believer, prayerful Bible reading mixed with faith and Koinonia fellowship can be times where the grace, strength and attributes of God get poured into our minds and hearts. Our whole nation needs another outpouring of revival and spiritual awakening right now. Politicians can't fix the huge mess. As these things from God enter our souls freely, "hesed" love and all its many meanings like lovingkindness, loyal-love, faithful love, covenant love, steadfast love, enduring love, and more get watered (living watered) and take firm root. And then we bear fruit for God, and guess what.. there's no straining to reproduce or become fruitful. No striving in the flesh, no conniving with the mind will do.. just abiding in the Spirit will do. We want to worship acceptably -- Christ is our delight! And we then as an outgrowth of love want to go tell people everywhere about Jesus! We want to go explain about His finished work on the Cross. We want do this for decisions, so they'll opt to come to Him today!
He has such great love and compassion for all people -- He hates what destroys them. He SO desires that we would each know Him, the Bible, and who it points to.. Christ and His Holy Spirit who empowers in a very personal even intimate sort of way. He desires that we love Him, follow, and live for Him 24/7/365.
The meaning of hesed has zero English or Greek equivalents. It's about covenant friendship love, but also means more. It speaks of God’s mercy too. He is just waiting for each of us to receive His forgiveness and mercy.. at no charge.. in Christ. Isaiah 33:22 has a good prayer that we can pray daily. “O, Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.”
It’s a new day, so remember the Lord, and God’s kind loyalty! Remember the Hebrew word for mercies. It’s “Hesed” which denotes the limitless nature of divine mercies in our direction. Don’t know about you, but I can’t quite grasp the full understanding of limitless. My mercy tends to run out. My patience and longsuffering can run dry. Yes, so can any mercy I have. But God’s love and mercy never does. It’s been extended to us over and over again because God keeps his covenant promises. All His Bible prophecies have come true and will come true. He keeps all His promises too.
God is our very best Friend of all friends, and He sticks closer than a brother. Yep, because He extends His mercy to us so that we can extend His mercy to other friends and enemies. Mercy is an essential ingredient of the life and manner of a friend. Of a believer in Christ too. We begin this life as vessels of wrath cuz we’ve all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but through God’s amazing mercy demonstrated up on a Cross, we have become vessels of mercy. And we each can become vessels of honor for Him as well.
Mercy extends from the richer to poorer, from the bigger person to the smaller person, and from the stronger to the weaker person. It extends the other way too as Jesus calls us to turn the other cheek at times, or to give up our cloak at times, or to walk the extra mile like when working at times, and to bless and not curse at people. You and I can’t help but to become a lot like the close friends we spend a lot of time with. As we receive God’s mercies fresh and new every morning from our best Friend Jesus. I say we spend a lot of time Him as Lord. Then we will want to help and bless others with grace, friendship, and mercy as well.
In Proverbs God has a lot to say bein' buds and staying wise!
“The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” Proverbs 12:26 nkjv
“He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.” Proverbs 13:20 nkjv
“A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.” Proverbs 16:28
“A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention.” Proverbs 15:18 nkjv
“Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.” Proverbs 22:24–25 nkjv
“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24 kjv
“Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint.” Proverbs 25:19
“As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife.” Proverbs 26:21
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17
“A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24
“Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.” Proverbs 27:10
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17
“Wrath is cruel and anger a torrent, but who is able to stand before jealousy? Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. Like a bird that wanders from its nest is a man who wanders from his place. Ointment and perfume delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel. Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.” Proverbs 27:4–10
“Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.” Proverbs 27:9 kjv
“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” Proverbs 27:17
Think about the different concentric circles of friendship we each can have. Ask yourself, who is in my inner circle of friendship? Is Christ as my very closest friend? Are real on-fire believers in my inner circle of friendship, or are there carnal, or lukewarm, or worldly, or dead-religious-legalistic or nominal Christians in there? Limit your time with these types or they can pull you down.
Listen Sport, having a close meaningful two way friendship with God through Christ will be such a JOY and key for all friendships. This Friendship prioritized will make you a better, a more caring friend, a wiser friend for all your other friendships. God will make you a better friend for every other friend you have really. Please help Him to work in and through you. (Read more.. blog)
